Not Happening Decorum

A successful letter writing campaign enticed Cinemark Theatre to donate a movie prop from the movie The Happening to me. Nearly ten feet tall and six feet wide, the movie poster depicts an ominous scene pressed on three dimensional cardboard that came assembled in four sections with hardware.

The only place in my house that could accommodate its grandness was the open foyer. My wife kept shaking her head in disagreement to my grandiose plans of its installation in our otherwise tasteful home. I knew what she was thinking…all this for a seven second sliver as an actor in a major motion picture that reviewers rated no higher than three stars and as low as one and a half stars.

One twelve foot ladder, picture hanging parts, and handyman rigging got it up on the wall but my vain efforts did not help its permanent installation in my home. What I needed was high rising scaffolding and an interior designer to securely hang that poster. I had access and funding for neither. While I wrestled it up on the bare wall, like my scene in the movie, it was not for long. The prop was in a general state of decline from the moment I got off the ladder. When its creaking sag threatened to take out our chandelier in a fall, the gig was up.

I gave it all the props that I could but ended up removing what was not happening for me from the wall. The truth of the matter is that I was still making a scene but I could not hold this movie up…no matter how hard I tried. It just wasn't happening.