Freudian Slips: Eyes on the Prize

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

November 15, 2005

Eyes on the Prize

In the recent collection of paperwork stuffed in my mailbox at work, I separated a flyer from the rest of the pile. The flyer informed me that I am entitled to collect my 20 year Service Award in this my 21st year of uninterrupted employment. Better late than never. Ironically, the award has nothing to do with actual service or performance. It is a benchmark measure of attrition. As I held the flyer to the light, I thought of the warped sense of accomplishment to have survived enough battles to still be in the war after two decades. The actual awards, however, left a lot to be desired:
  • Behind door #1 we have a lovely picture frame clock so I can watch the rest of my life pass by next to a photo of the family I miss. I have seen similar models in upscale Dollar Stores.
  • Function and practicality burst out of door #2. A sturdy leather portfolio so I can carry around even more work. Honestly, I got enough baggage in my life.
  • Nothing but class and eloquence awaits the prize behind door #3. A bankers style desk lamp. Comes already assembled and complete with its own lightbulb. Too bad my desk has been broken for the last 13 years. One of the legs detaches itself from the frame. Without warning, my desk collapses on my lap and everything slides off. I don't want to add another tabletop prop to the disaster waiting to happen.
  • I selected the crown jewel for my servitude - A Palm pilot with inadequate memory since replaced by two later models. Batteries not included.

All awards contain an official seal of your employee making resale value on Ebay virtually non-existent. Not unlike previous awards, one day in the future I will find the Palm pilot next to my desk. There will be no ceremony, acknowledgement, or handshake from anyone of importance just business as usual. Even a lousy parking ticket gets handed to you. I love my vocation so I do not want to come off sounding jaded but 20 dedicated years of one's life deserves more formalized recognition. My employer could revamp the Service Awards.

I don't want to get ahead of myself but I just got to toil another quarter of a century for the 45 year service award: a golf bag. Working nearly 50 years of my life for a golf bag with a $29.99 suggested retail value is not par for the course. A bitter man might call that catty(caddy) every time the alarm clock sounds in the morning.



Anonymous et said...

Welcome to the “real” world of use you, abuse you, and sack you! Congratulations on your twenty years of dedicated service. You loved every "other" minute of it!

6:54 AM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

Congratulations on your award! 20 years in the same place wow. i have yet to do, live or even own anything for more than maybe 5 years hehe. I think my children will be the only thing my ADD cannt change for me.
And on the prize issue, my wife gets to pick from a catalog that was inner officed to her and the prize is mailed to her. Nothing could be more impersonal than a thank you sent DHL.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Eyes on the prize - serving the community.

i hope you have an oversized mailbox.

11:18 AM  
Blogger justrose said...

i used to work for the watch at my old work, i would talk to my boss about the watch in the faux velvet/crocodile presentation box everyday -- but i never had the longevity you do. hence, no watch. so congrats on the prize!

5:51 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

i got TIME on my side. lol.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Merci said...

I usually go for ANYTHING that doesn't have a emblem on it. Went for the lovely leather portfolio (which does have an emblem, but not a glaring one) with the built-in calculator for my 15 year award.

7:22 PM  
Blogger lilly05 said...

Nope, no prize for the health worker. I think that the facility that I work for will give me a shiny gold (albeit miniscule) reminder to affix to my badge. Wear it loud wear it proud. We get pinned for our trouble.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

not too much in this world without an emblem on it. all i can think of is toilet paper.

pinned! good one.

12:26 PM  

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