Freudian Slips: Bringing Up The Rear

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

October 06, 2005

Bringing Up The Rear

-Add a retrofitted oversized diesel tank inside this trunk and the umbrella would need to lay sideways.
While riding down the road in the compact company car, I heard a slapping sound. Gazing through the rearview mirror, I watched the trunk flapping in the wind. Naturally, I stopped the car and tried to close the lousy trunk. Repetitive slams proved that it was not going to cooperate. I have never liked this trunk from the moment my squinting eyes laid eyes on it. A little peeved, I drove out of my way to the nearest company Motor Pool where I explained the most unlikely scenario of a derailed caboose. The mechanic pulled the car into the garage and up on a ramp as if major repairs were in store. I followed. He called two mechanics to the trunk for an impromptu meeting. Knowing nada about cars, I retreated to a neutral corner of the garage. Words were exchanged and snickers passed before the trio nodded in agreement.
“Hey Buster, come here.”
That was my cue. I walked over to the trunk not expecting to be blamed for the mishap. As I approached them, the head mechanic was already bringing up the rear.
He rhetorically asks, “Do you see that garment bag?”
“Yeah?”
“That is your problem.” he proclaimed. “This model car is notorious for trunk latch failures. The manufacturer makes the cable part out of plastic to save on the cost of metal. The plastic don't wanna hold up over time. It's flimsy and breaks. See?” He raised the broken cable for examination. “Anything that even rubs against the cable will snap it. You can’t put a garment bag in this trunk. As a matter of fact, you can’t store anything in these trunks.”
I stared down into the starving belly of the trunk. It housed a bulky obsolete dual diesel tank which reduced the trunk space by 80%. Under the hood offered more room. The trunk cargo space was as laughable as their advice. So I laughed.
“Let me get this straight.” I voiced. “I got trunk space for just about one soup can and you're telling me nothing is allowed to go in this trunk? May I remind you that I'm a social worker who moves client’s belongings for a living in a car the size of a refrigerator and I can’t use the remains of this trunk for storage?”
“That’s what we are recommending.”
“That’s what I thought you said.”

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7 Comments:

Blogger Zelda Parker said...

Ain't life grand! Irony is everywhere these days. Your writing has helped me to take notice.

7:19 AM  
Anonymous et said...

Someone (Purchasing Manager?) wrote the specifications for the acquisition of vehicles. His/her specifications did not take into consideration the need for a large size trunk. You have all of the responsibilities and accountabilities without the wherewithal to accomplish your task. This seems worse than the old squeeze of responsibility without authority. Irony has no limits, unless it's trunk size!

8:26 AM  
Blogger PaxRomano said...

Oh gawd ... those motor pool guys are the best (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)...they are just fonts of knowledge in all things automotive (tries to stifle laughter)...they know everything when it comes to cars (falls to floor laughing hysterically).

8:53 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Pax,
Grease is the word.

Et,
it is the squeeze play of social work.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Merci said...

My first supervisor constantly chastised me for trying to make sense of our system. I struggle mightily with things that are illogical. As you can imagine, this job is quite a challenge for me.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

merci,
we all struggle. it is to what degree that takes a stranglehold on our sanity.

12:34 AM  
Blogger sue said...

Yep, I get it! Sorry I beat ya to it... I'll check out your site! Thanks for stopping by.

12:13 PM  

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