The More Things Change

I can’t resist sounding like Andy Rooney here. The more things change, the more I can't stand the change.

In 1978, I bought a 19 inch RCA color TV from Sears and Roebuck. I told the prickly pushy salesman that I did not want a higher priced model powered by a easily lost gadget called a remote control. I liked my dial knob just fine and he wasn't suckering me into buying a lifetime of replacement batteries. Besides, a handheld remote seemed like an invitation to a sedentary lifestyle. I should have accepted the technological revolution clickety click but it took me another decade before I did. Who could have predicted that three hundred television channels would broadcast over a cable bandwidth? Now you can find this couch potato grumbling when I have to hit pause on my remote to get up to go to the bathroom.

Call me shortsighted but I never thought oxygen would cost money. I curse this greedy grubby world every time I pump air into a flat bike tire. Only the health care industry should bottle what we breath freely for profit.

When facsimile machines were invented, I wondered what was wrong with waiting for the mail to arrive. Who sped up the rotation of the earth to demand things instantaneously anyway? I blame some upscale impatient business executive who labeled regular mail, snail mail. Now decades after facsimile acceptance, licking stamps is on the endangered list and very few people look forward vistiting their mailbox. Everything needs a paper trail so just the fax please.

When bottled water hit store shelves, I wondered how many impulsive idiots would buy pretty labeled bottled containers whose contents poured freely on tap from faucet and fountain. It seemed ludicrous to think thirsty people would actually drive to the store to purchase a commodity that runs from their home spigots for pennies on the gallon. Now some eateries even refuse to serve tap water in an old fashioned glass with a lemon wedge. I cringe when I hear upsale pitches that their water only comes in a bottle. When I drink bottled water, it tastes no better than tap in most parts of the country. I have also concluded that tap water doesn’t make me feel stupid when I consume it the way a plastic bottle of water does. It’s not like we live in a third world country without indoor plumbing.

Now that I have exposed myself to the scrutiny of being called a blind visionary, I wish to go on record again for the Tornatore Time Capsule. Perhaps, I actually may predict one trend before it becomes a part of mainstream culture. While the next generation of automobile drivers may enjoy no emission electric cars, please be prepared to plug your glorified golf cart into merchant’s public outlets where they will charge you big money for a little electricity.

This is Andy Rooney, and you can take that to the bank.