Freudian Slips: Kelly's Hero

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

January 22, 2008

Kelly's Hero

Around two am one night, I wound up surfing the boundless internet. I comparatively shopped for the best music download site to become a new member. The house was so quiet that I could hear my fingers click mouse buttons. I end up on a reputable site that came highly recommended by a consumer’s group. They advertised the one time fee of $34.95, which entitled members to unlimited downloads for a lifetime. No less than twelve million original songs plug it's database, none of it shareware. Still skeptical, I read the terms and conditions before I clicked to the final page that beckons my wallet to open. I decided against making the purchase but saved the site to my favorites server list to return to at a later time. When I tried to exit the screen, a pop-up message appeared at the center of my screen. An instant messenger I am not, so the pop-up screen with bells and whistles startled me. The following is the transcript for the conversation that followed.
“Before you leave the website, do you have any questions?”
I see a designated typing box for me to reply. My fingers slowly type out, “Who me?”
A ticker appeared on the screen alerting me that my agent is sending a reply. “Hello, my name is Kelly. Do you have any questions about our music club?”
On a portal page where I was prompted to relinquish my credit card number and personal information, and set my password, I did not expect to become interactive with somebody watching me. Then I drew the obvious conclusion that I am being dupped by automated replies. I attempted to elicit abstract thinking. “Is it me or does this deal seem too good to be true?”
Kelly answers, “We are the number one music download site…blah blah blah”.
About two minutes of information exchange occurred. Kelly’s responses seemed straight forward and impersonal like the hunk of metal I envisioned. I thought to myself. This world has gotten to be so technically sophisticated that a robot has jumped onto my computer screen approximating human contact. I decided I would be a protagonist to this façade; a crusader for simpler times when you could pick-up a telephone, call a business, and talk to someone live.
I typed, “I am attracted to your candor and helpful nature. You are a breath of fresh air in a world gone awry. Thanks for being there for me when I need it. I am going to take a chance here. This might come as a shock to you but I love you.”
My canned display of emotion would certainly blow the circuit board on the robotic teleprompter in the sky. The ticker flashed that my agent is sending a reply….
“Thank you. I am blushing.” typed Kelly. “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me online but I have something to tell you too…I am married. I adore the movie Sleepless in Seattle though.”
We all get caught with our pants down from time to time.



Blogger mommanator said...

True or not I love this story! great writing buddy

8:45 AM  
Anonymous et said...

I agree with mommanator! Also, you seem to be getting back into your natural stride! Your rhythm with the written word is making lovely music in my old eyes.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

all too true. When Pax called the Eleen Show for tickets, he got a live person too. Who would believe it in this day and age?

Just taking timeout form painting miniatures. lol

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did u tell kelli thst you were married too?

8:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Of course, my love.

8:40 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I haven't cracked up laughing in a room by myself in a while. Thanks.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

i am a big dartboard when it comes ot laughing. Thanks for visiting.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Maja said...

That is excellent!

By the way apparently this website has 25 million free songs on it and it's completely legitimate. I haven't had a look at it myself yet though.

3:07 AM  

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