Freudian Slips: Cutting Out The Middle Man

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

January 08, 2008

Cutting Out The Middle Man

With underscore and exclamation point, I wish to announce that all of my children are now teenagers. On a personal note, this dubious distinction for a parent my age has caused me introspection.
I have nine years remaining before I can retire and owe eight small years on a dwindling mortgage. I obsess over health matters that I took for granted earlier in my life. Whereas before I thought only about wanting to leave a legacy on this planet, my ideas are now selfishly consumed by my mortality. The proverbial bottle of life is dastardly both half empty and full.
This benchmark arrived for me this week like a snake pit with no vacancies. The snakes wriggled around my ankles and up my pant legs until one wrapped around my neck to constrict my breathing until I said its full name: Middle age has arrived. Middle age with all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities appertaining thereto.
My youngest daughter shared her birthday remorse. “I want to be five. I want to just play house and watch cartoons.”
My seventeen-year-old disagreed with her sister . “I want to be your age. Yeah, thirteen. Seventeen sucks. I got to go to work at my age.”
My children’s candidacy prompted this reflected state of mind. When I was younger with my whole life ahead of me, middle age seemed a distant star on the horizon. My children have only begun to realize that life gets harder as you go along. I convinced myself right there and then that I just want to be seventeen again with all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities appertaining thereto.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, how I remember those days!!!!!

8:10 AM  
Blogger mommanator said...

O Joe- with that glass being 1/2 & 1/2 just remember you still have 1/2 your life left and it just gets better! YOU HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO-college bills! marraiges of your children-GRANDchildren!!! growing old together with your lovely wife, AND RETIREMENT! then you'll be playing the ole guy sitting on the park bench!Still writing great blogs about your adventures in life!

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So thats why you got your ass kicked on the battlefield the other night. You were running around " Ambush ", suffering from mid life crisis. And, no it wasn't a dream.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you better retract your wish for seventeen, I have never seen ANYONE enjoy life or take advantage of its many oppertunities the way you do. Although you have been reaping all you could ever since i met you, you were a only a student, janitor, writer, flirt and a social worker then. Now you are a so much more (actor, writer, bubble hockey dude, plaque doctor, bee man, movie editor, lawyer, father, husband, social worker and still a flirt.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

please mom, your identity preceedes you.

If I wind up sitting next to Forrest Gump on that park bench, I'm going to be telling the stories.

I was still immobilized from the lousy racquetball you played as my teammate earlier in the day.

You always seem to take "sweetheart" pills right before Valentine's Day.

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O.K! Since you've blown my cover, do you recall my pet saying to you?
No? Well, how about: "That's right, son, deny yourself nothing!"

You would not heed my advice to save your money.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Humm...Saving money by not marrying you never crossed my mind.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

I just have to paint little figurines from dusk to dawn to afford Diane. She wouldn't have it any other way.

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's make a tee time to play "the back nine of life".

5:14 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

it's time. lol

8:35 AM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

Actor, writer, social worker, husband and father that's a good resume for anyone to be proud of. Tell the truth, would you do any of it differently? I must laugh at myself remembering that all I dreamed of at 17 was a home of my own where I made the rules. Now I luagh at be carefull what you wish for....

12:44 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

even a gardener like yourself heard about the grass being greener. I think we make our own destiny.

8:51 PM  

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