Freudian Slips: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

July 31, 2007

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

My stepdaughter’s seventeen-year-old boyfriend displays dodgy speeding through our otherwise quiet cul de sac. The hooking blind spot at the top of the street rarely slows the manchild down. Children playing have not pared him within the speed limit. Talking to him about public safety has not changed his ways. My wife doling out occasional gas money to him has only put higher octane in his tank.
To make matters worse, he often leaves the house flustered following silly teenage argument and his emotions spill over into reckless driving. My clenched teeth clocked him once at approximately 70 miles an hour in the closed court of our development.
If I am to believe the gossip grapevine, the police department received complaint from concerned neighbors and they installed a solar powered rubber strip across the road to clock the speed of motorists. I do not know if the manchild ever noticed the entrapment but I could not help but wince where the rubber meets the road.
With probable cause, the police have now upped the ultimate ante. They chained a 15-foot high warning sign in front of my house, the very parking spot of the accused. So now I am paying five digit property taxes to have a monstrous neon eyesore that penetrates the black night in front of my manicured property. Now the visiting boyfriend parks in front of the warning sign when he is not boldly taking my spot in the driveway. Maybe the dome light went off in his head because he has not tipped over a single orange cone nor have I heard his tires screech lately.
As for little old me, the pissed off homeowner, this is certainly a case where non-violators will be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

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22 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sure even Mr. Bill wouldn't be happy being run over at 70 mph.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Merci said...

I'll never forget the night in the mid 80's when the neighbor's teenaged boyfriend drove his restored Nova right up the tree in my front yard. Car and driver were remarkably unscathed. Sadly, the tree was another story.

10:34 PM  
Blogger mommanator said...

70MPH in the neighborhood, and the daughter is permitted in the car with him?! gues I am getting old. If she were mine she would be sitting home till the dome lights came on in his head. Has he never seen what a telephone pole can do to a vehicle going 70 MPH. Lay down the law JT and sooner the better! I dont want to read about your kid with this crazy driver! And for heavens sake giving him money for the gas!! you must be a well paid stateworker, actor, janitor. Sorry I am off the soap box now.

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said mommanator!

11:16 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

anonymous,
for $10.00 you can do with what you want with it.

merci,
i remember you teeling that story of the supernova.

mommantor,
if she were mine...

11:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did I notice storm clouds in the background ?

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It doesnt matter if she's yours or not..she is the daughter of your wife....she is an innocent child and should not be allowd in a speeding car with this disresptful manchild...we lose too many lives everyday to senseless deaths because of reckless drivers...also does her mother approve of this behavior from the boyfriend...good luck as the mother of teenage daughters you'll need it...

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS...your house is beautiful, its a shame its being blocked by that eyesore...

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can understand the step-daughter not having enough sense not to play with speeding drivers, but what the #ell's wrong with the mother?????? Is she not on this planet??

1:34 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

anonymous,
Those aren't storm clouds that is black exhaust fumes.

anonymous,
Got any bolt cutters I can borrow?

Other anonymous bloggers,
The mother reads here and she can answer for herself if she feels a need to defend herself. I only felt a need to vent.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe is part actor, part story teller and part drama queen. While his embellishments make for interesteing and entertaining reading they certainly should not be the basis for assessing my parenting skills. Just ask both of my beautiful, talented, creative, straight A +, well mannered children. Their dad and I couldnt be more proud of either of them. They have a wonderful open trusting relationship with both of their parents, we would never ever, put them in harms way. However Joe's story did mnake me laugh he has a way with telling his version of things.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

What nice curb appeal? Humm.

8:16 AM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

Maybe spike strips would have been better

12:38 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

zelda,
I may drape hanging baskets over it.

Honk,
Your pacifism downright precedes you. lol.

6:06 PM  
Anonymous marcus said...

Joe,
I'll bet you regret this one! Now you know the power of pen. "And with great power comes great responsibility"(Spider-Man). Way to fight back Mom.

8:28 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

marcus,
In the immortal words of cartoon lore, Snagglepuss take a stage right.

10:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe - your embellishments are inexcusable! Especially the one where you enhanced the picture of your house to include that fake police speeder sign! Honestly!

1:43 PM  
Blogger Pax Romano said...

Wow,
So now I'm stumped, Real or No Real?

8:06 PM  
Blogger Merci said...

Real vs. Not Real is always a worthwhile question here ;), as it is in any spot in cyberspace.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

anonymous,
I have videotape too if that will suffice a detractor.

Pax,
You should know me by now. I even admitted to you that I re-gift recently.

Merci,
The sign has been removed. Parking spaces have again freed up.

8:36 PM  
Blogger e said...

hey Joe I will attest that the sign was for real. I was truly amazed to see a speed detector on your cul-de-sac!
Silly me. It never occurred to me that it was there because of 'HIM'. To be honest, when I heard he was stuck in Pitman I hoped he'd stay stuck. L deserves so much better. Just my humble opinion, tho.
In defense of the mom, I happen to think she's an awesome mom with great kids.
Truly not sucking up there. Really.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

e,
Finally, an eyewitness emerges.

9:09 PM  

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