Freudian Slips: Forest through the Trees

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

July 22, 2007

Forest through the Trees

Our three-tier backyard deck has now taken me half of a summer to complete in drips and drabs. Mistakes, repairs, powerwashing, painting the uprights, and staining the deck boards has killed half of a summer. Faulty plumbing fixtures, a broken big screen TV, and a leaky roof have derailed the completion of the deck and caused empty white rabbit pockets and headache.
Last week, while plugging along on the final coat of stain on the top deck, I heard an unmistakable sound with only a few boards to go. The savage sound frightened me but not for the reason you might think.
A deadwood tree severed from its root moorings and began what seemed like a slow motion fall through the canopy of the woods. As I turned to see what direction the tree fell, my personal safety seemed an after thought. I concentrated on all of the toil I had poured into this deck that I didn’t want go to waste.
I shouted to the tree Gods. “Not the deck! Don’t hit the deck! Not the deck!”
The tree caused a sensational whooshing noise against the ground but missed the deck by the safety net of fifty yards. My next-door neighbor ran out of her house in hysterics but I went right back to staining better wood than what fell. I want this deck done before it is time to store the deck furniture for the season. After all, I can just about see the forest through the trees now.

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13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have trees in New Jersey?

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sounds like a lot of dead wood, including your deck, to me!!!!

8:19 AM  
Blogger mommanator said...

wouldn't you know it, you can hear one tree falling!

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember, with proper consultation hours of toil wood have been avoided. Confuscous say, "Splintered plan leave no time for summer".
Tennis Anyone!

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

annonymous #3 how right you are

5:31 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

To the bunch of wisecracking punster imposters, I will not respond to you. I am instead opting to enjoy a cold iced tea on my deck.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous billybob said...

Do you have your hard hat on??

8:23 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Bilybob,
Nothing but a hard head here.

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous #3 again,
I like how your chosen beverage of ice tea compliments the current color of your deck. Three weeks ago it would have been EGGNOG.

9:20 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

anonymous,
You are making a STAIN of yourself. Stop now before I make it a point to melee you down a dark corridor in Call of Duty.

9:30 PM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

Ah, the joys of homeownership.....

7:09 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Zelda,
All this without ferns.

9:10 PM  
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5:30 AM  

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