Freudian Slips: Turn for the Worse

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

May 09, 2006

Turn for the Worse

My Ford Taurus recently accomplished what years of curling free weights in my gym could not. An unheralded exercise program in my car actually gave me needed definition to my middle-aged biceps. Let me explain. About two weeks ago, my power steering took a turn for the worse before coming to a screeching halt. While I waited for my mechanic to return from vacation, I operated the vehicle on roadways with only manual steering. I fool heartedly took to the road and put my life into my own hands. Traveling on only familiar roads and limiting my local miles, I developed a newfound appreciation of the previously underestimated luxury of power steering. Meanwhile, my car drained itself of power steering fluid and my driveway turned into a Valdez oil slick.
While driving could be best described as an accident waiting to happen, my biceps never looked so stallion. Steering took two sturdy hands and the strain of stomach muscles. Every mile turned out to be an upper body workout. Pulling out into traffic caused me to cross the double yellow line. I don’t know what was louder my grunting, my screaming, or the hydraulic whining of the steering column. Steering aside, parking two-ton Betsy was like a pilot trying to stop an aircraft on a Buffalo nickel. Needless to say, I saved my shopping trips for non-peak times because I couldn’t park the car unless the lot had two consecutive spaces open. I hopped curbs like Tony Hawk and came dangerously close to plowing over rural mailboxes. Going around traffic circles without able steering made the time I bungee corded a car door that wouldn't close shut seem risk-free. (See 1-24-06 post called Bungee Grumping) My pot-luck travels included getting stuck down a dead end road I had every business to be on. Owning a newly defined turn radius that of a luxury liner, I K-turned my car for the next several minutes just to reverse my course.
Without enduring personal injury, my car has made it to the repair shop. There is a price to pay for everything in life. My cost for the addition of stallion biceps is a whopping $700.00. Things should be turning around shortly.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Nazli said...

Dear Joe - if you would move your seat back farther then your calf muscles would be suitably stallion - and Joe, Calvin Klein calls!

Speaking of stallions and such - MI-3 was fun and thoroughly entertaining ..

your movie guide ;-)
Dr Nazli

12:01 AM  
Blogger Dr. Nazli said...

p.s. Joe - I commented on you on my blog - in great appreciation!

9:52 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Dr.
Maybe if I buy a Fred Flintstone mobile I can work on my calf muscles.
P.S. I need to see V for Vendetta before M for Mission.

9:06 PM  

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