Freudian Slips: Bungee Grumping

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

January 24, 2006

Bungee Grumping

-a second seat belt? Whatever for?

I am enjoying the unseasonably mild winter weather for two reasons. Not only is it keeping the home heating costs manageable so the family can afford food but my driver's side door has acquired a nasty habit of sticking in cold temperatures. I am not talking about the locking system and what a little hot breath or de-icer could remedy. It is not that simple. My drivers side door occasionally won't close after it has been opened. I nearly killed myself on the first day this unorthodox situation presented itself. Important safety tip. Never negotiate a traffic circle with a driver's side door ajar. I almost fell out of the car and put myself in an unenviable position of running myself over. I could hear the television news commentary:

'Frumpy social worker dies by running himself over with his car! Grisly film of stupidity at eleven.'

When I finally got to work in one piece, I needed to come up with a safer means of travel other than catching a public bus. Alas, this is a picture of me hooking up a bungee cord across my torso. By no stretch of the imagination, consider a bungee cord a passive restraint. I had to stretch the rubber from the driver's side arm rest across my body to hook onto the metal frame underneath the adjacent seat. I felt like toggling my hazard lights on and hanging the bumper sitcker, CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. I endured constant farting and became a shallow breather under the circumstances but my car door remained closed. Ah, the bittersweet smell of success!

This public service announcement was brought to you by the letter "M" as in S & M. If the temperature stays above 25 degrees, my bungee cord will be able to stay in the trunk until I can get this fixed. How CORDial that would be.

10 Comments:

Blogger Erin said...

That really struck a cord with me. My husband had to do a very similar thing once.

Very funny story!

12:18 AM  
Blogger Maja said...

What about gaffa tape?

2:43 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

erin,
struck a cord with me. that would have been a more fititng closing sentence. i can't believe I missed it. good thinking.

maja,
okay , I give up. What is gaffa tape. It sounds like something used in the circus.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Maidink said...

Oh that story was too funny!

Just think, you could have been one of the headliners under Bizarre Bazaar on wpvi.com. Then I could point and say "Hey I know that guy!" Then my co-workers would read what happened and ask, "Do you really know him?" and of course I'll say, "Ummm, no!"

10:17 PM  
Blogger eatmisery said...

I once dated a guy who had his driver's side door wired to his steering column.

How CORDial is it to have to step over someone in order to get out of the car to put gas in it?

Needless to say, we're not together anymore. I wish I could say it was because of that damn door. It would've been a more interesting comment if I had.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

eatmisery,
he must have been one helluva Twister player! lol.

6:56 PM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

I love home made remedies for car problems. I once had to use a bottle of armorall to keep my glove compartment closed. I had to push the passanger seat all the way to the front and wedge the bottle between the front of the seat and the door. I had that there for like 3 months before i finally got it fixed. It worked like a charm too.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Honk,
Does North Jersey have any remaining circles left for drivers to risk life and limb.

6:48 PM  
Blogger Maja said...

Its sorta like a fabric tape, thick and strong.

9:31 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

sounds excellent for sticky situations. lol.

12:51 AM  

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