Bungee Grumping

-a second seat belt? Whatever for?

I am enjoying the unseasonably mild winter weather for two reasons. Not only is it keeping the home heating costs manageable so the family can afford food but my driver's side door has acquired a nasty habit of sticking in cold temperatures. I am not talking about the locking system and what a little hot breath or de-icer could remedy. It is not that simple. My drivers side door occasionally won't close after it has been opened. I nearly killed myself on the first day this unorthodox situation presented itself. Important safety tip. Never negotiate a traffic circle with a driver's side door ajar. I almost fell out of the car and put myself in an unenviable position of running myself over. I could hear the television news commentary:

'Frumpy social worker dies by running himself over with his car! Grisly film of stupidity at eleven.'

When I finally got to work in one piece, I needed to come up with a safer means of travel other than catching a public bus. Alas, this is a picture of me hooking up a bungee cord across my torso. By no stretch of the imagination, consider a bungee cord a passive restraint. I had to stretch the rubber from the driver's side arm rest across my body to hook onto the metal frame underneath the adjacent seat. I felt like toggling my hazard lights on and hanging the bumper sitcker, CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. I endured constant farting and became a shallow breather under the circumstances but my car door remained closed. Ah, the bittersweet smell of success!

This public service announcement was brought to you by the letter "M" as in S & M. If the temperature stays above 25 degrees, my bungee cord will be able to stay in the trunk until I can get this fixed. How CORDial that would be.