Pejoratively Speaking

"You can't fool me, shoot is sh#t with two o's."

- Comedian George Carlin

The use of euphemisms attempt to make something negative seem more palatable. Their mere repetition in our language perpetuate acceptance. After careful inspection, the following terms annoy me.

clean fill wanted. It’s dirt. Dirt isn’t clean. It’s like calling mud wrestling a cleansing experience.

slain civil rights leader. When those with purpose die nonsensically, this has got to mean that nobody is spared from violence.

justifiable war. This pairing of words is overstated. It implies that the end justifies the means.

Final Solution. When a weaponeer hits the panic button to start a nuclear war, Armageddon isn’t solution but the final curtain.

breast reduction. Men would never do this to themselves not even on a hard day's night.

obedient rotweiller. If overused, this terminology can end up biting you in the behind.

reality TV If there is a script, actors, sponsors, takes, editing, and rehearsals…it is really television.

former pedophile Recidivism rate makes this an oxymoron.

pre-hostility A military term that refers to times of peace with violent phraseology. Robert Duvall’s expression in Apocalypse Now, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!”, would be its antithesis.

recovering alcoholic. Thirst is hard to conquer.

same day surgery. The insurance industry must have had something to do with mainstreaming this term. Despite all the patients in the world, I confuse same day surgery with a procedure.

family planning. When planning starts with unexpected pregnancy, you are behind the eight ball.

restroom Too much grunting and awkwardness prevents me from associating it with rest.

Assistant to the Assistant Call me jaded but the way I see it, earning a promotion only makes you the middle man.

reformed compulsive gambler – It is a safe bet that your bookie remains on speed dial although he hasn’t heard from you in awhile.

assisted suicide- Do you really need to recruit an accomplice with a Help Wanted sign when all you have to do is die trying?

non-dairy creamer. Show me a non-milking cow and I'll show you a four-legged virgin.