Freudian Slips: Pejoratively Speaking

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

March 23, 2006

Pejoratively Speaking

"You can't fool me, shoot is sh#t with two o's."
- Comedian George Carlin
The use of euphemisms attempt to make something negative seem more palatable. Their mere repetition in our language perpetuate acceptance. After careful inspection, the following terms annoy me.
clean fill wanted. It’s dirt. Dirt isn’t clean. It’s like calling mud wrestling a cleansing experience.
slain civil rights leader
. When those with purpose die nonsensically, this has got to mean that nobody is spared from violence.
justifiable war
. This pairing of words is overstated. It implies that the end justifies the means.
Final Solution
. When a weaponeer hits the panic button to start a nuclear war, Armageddon isn’t solution but the final curtain.
breast reduction
Men would never do this to themselves not even on a hard day's night.
obedient rotweiller
. If overused, this terminology can end up biting you in the behind.
reality TV
If there is a script, actors, sponsors, takes, editing, and rehearsals…it is really television.
former pedophile
Recidivism rate makes this an oxymoron.
A military term that refers to times of peace with violent phraseology. Robert Duvall’s expression in Apocalypse Now, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!”, would be its antithesis.
recovering alcoholic
. Thirst is hard to conquer.
same day surgery
. The insurance industry must have had something to do with mainstreaming this term. Despite all the patients in the world, I confuse same day surgery with a procedure.
family planning
. When planning starts with unexpected pregnancy, you are behind the eight ball.
Too much grunting and awkwardness prevents me from associating it with rest.
Assistant to the Assistant
Call me jaded but the way I see it, earning a promotion only makes you the middle man.
reformed compulsive gambler
– It is a safe bet that your bookie remains on speed dial although he hasn’t heard from you in awhile.
assisted suicide
- Do you really need to recruit an accomplice with a Help Wanted sign when all you have to do is die trying?
non-dairy creamer
. Show me a non-milking cow and I'll show you a four-legged virgin.



Blogger eatmisery said...

Love the post, Joe! You're always a blast to read!

6:55 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

A blast? Such a violent term. lol.

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shoot, Joe! Are you telling me that all of these years I should have been saying, "Ah, yuck!"

7:38 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Good job, Joe.

"Family Planning" ... I was once young enough to think this sign on a building meant you go there to plan how many children you will have and how to take good care of them. Shouldn't they just cut it out already and call it "Family Prevention" or better yet, "Family Dissolution" ?

6:24 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

I take solitude in that I am not the only one confused.

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Liked this. Do you have more like it? Emily

4:05 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

My mind is full of random thoughts.

11:17 AM  

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