Freudian Slips: Curb Your Enthusiasm

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Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

March 21, 2006

Curb Your Enthusiasm

This story is about three minutes of innocent driving in 1980.

I couldn’t wait to burn rubber out of the parking lot at Washington Township High School following graduation ceremonies. Goodbyes have never been my forte. I couldn’t even stick around for all that cheeky yearbook signing and impractical plans to always keep in touch. Despite good intentions, I realized that diametrically opposed circumstances were going to prevent seeing most of these people ever again. I hopped in my car ahead of most graduates. I defiantly threw my cap across the front seat, cranked the radio, and set sail for destination parts unknown.

Washington Township was a growing metropolis. Our graduating class alone had over four hundred seniors. The steady influx of transplants made it next to impossible to know all of your classmates. With that being said, a strange thing happened when I went to leave the parking lot. Everyone and I mean everyone waved goodbye to me. Friends, classmates I barely knew, and some people whom I never met all waved bon voyage to me. It is hard to put into words their heartwarming send off. Maybe they were just being polite but I was loving it. I waved passionately back to my suddenly friendly classmates. What a whirlwind day! The last minute attention surprised this recipient. I had my own friendship click but never before have I been so popular. The car moved along. I waved to admiring frock like the grand marshal of a parade. A curvaceous classmate walking single file gave me a look. She waved wildly at me. I made kissy poo to the wide-eyed girl, who never gave me the time of day before. My exodus through the parking lot had so much love. I returned the favor by pointing, winking, nodding, smiling, and waving. With all of the grandstanding going on, it was taking my attention away from the road. Ah, I felt a sense of triumph leaving the high school for the last time. No good at reading lips, I imagined what the onlookers were saying.

“There goes cool cat Joe Tornatore. Let me say hi. My, what a guy!”

I arrived home. I realized the miserable wretched source of my soaring popularity curbside. I actually closed the car door without reeling in my long graduation gown. My classmates were enthusiastically trying to alert me that I was dragging my gown on the road. I rubbed my hand over my depleted gown hoping that I could make the whole incident go away. In my embarrassment, the irony did not escape me. I was a high school graduate entering the real world. If this freaking folly was any indication on probability of success in life, the world was going to chew me up much like my gown. My mind raced. The faces of the onlookers returned in picture quality playback.

“There goes that idiot Joe Tornatore. He thinks we’re saying hi. Laugh until you cry.”

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9 Comments:

Anonymous marcus said...

Just think how great it is that High School was not your "Glory Days". It is sad for those whom it is.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Dr. Nazli said...

Oh Joe! They were in fact waving to you because you are such a cool guy. As for the gown - no one noticed!

:-)

10:22 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Marcus,
That was a Boss reference.

Dr. Nazli,
I was SNAGGED wearing a dress.

12:08 AM  
Anonymous Antarro said...

Joe, that story of your "gown" brought back a memory of a similar experience I had in 1984. I stoppped at McDonalds for a "Sak-o
Crap". I was in a bit of a hurry
as I walked back to my car with the goods. As I attempted to unlock the car door, I dropped my dinner; but saved my shake. I quickly gathtered everything up and pulled out of the lot. I never even saw the dinosaur, but everyone else did. Horns, shouts and frantic waves were coming from all directions. I had actually started getting annoyed.Just as I decided to ignore these maniacs; it happened! A terradactal dropped a deuce all over my windshield as I slowed for a red light. All I heard then was jeers, horns and laughter from the other motorists. I had unwittingly left my large vanilla milkshake on the roof of my car.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

antarro,
thanks for shaking things up on the blog.

1:01 AM  
Blogger rfvgardens said...

Thanks Joe, I laughed myself silly. We've all had our moments, it's only sad when ya can't laugh at your own.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Gardens,
Lets talk about it over a slice of pizza in Moorestown some time...

4:58 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

That was you? (jesting)

In all probability... they didn't even realize exactly who was driving the car at the time.

Fess up now, Joe. You MEANT to do that. You were showing everyone that you made one final clean "sweep" of that school and everyone in it. Way to go.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Weary,
Life can be a drag. lol.

7:44 PM  

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