The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Lambaste

"The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water" -Sigmund Freud

In the last six months, I have become uncharacteristically forgetful. This has become a cauldron of worry for me. Permanent memory loss is a health concern associated with my disease, Mastocytosis. So I would salute if my absentmindedness turned out to be only stress related. I cannot imagine otherwise. My brain prides itself on organization and memory. The magnetic tape of my mind seems to be running thin, worn but not overplayed at forty two years of age. I understand that Decay Theory postulates that the brain works in a diminished capacity after a certain age but I am an invigorating middle aged.

I don't get lost in the day but I search for the familiar in what seems brand new. I must heavily rely on written reminders to myself. A Things to Do List at home, a Things to Do List at work, a Honey-Do List, and a Honey Don’t List. Although it hasn’t reached epidemic proportions and I haven’t hit the panic button, the fear looms like a Robert DeNiro clinging to the undercarriage of the car in Cape Fear. I can still recognize my own handwriting on the Post-It notes. So I got that going for me. This too will pass is what I keep telling myself because I would rue the day when my family members are resigned to wearing nametags for my benefit.

How I fumbled into awareness of the problem is a sad truism but one to be plastered on a website dedicated to irony. It all started when I misplaced a short story on Alzheimer’s disease. A play on words, the story of my life disappeared for months. I couldn’t find it anywhere then one day it turns up spitting out my inkjet printer. What a demented coincidence. Some unseen forces at play must have got out the can of Intrigue to coax me into losing a short story about memory loss. It is the first thing that I lost in a decade but now these little things are happening now and again. Sure I am human but God never made me mortal in this way before. I am going to take a chill pill, perform some self-hypnosis, and see if things are not better in the morning. Good night, whatever your name is. And I pray. God grant me the serenity to not lose all the things I can, to accept the things I cannot bear to lose, and the wisdom to not lose sight of the difference.