Freudian Slips: September 2010

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

September 24, 2010

Meeting Ray the Rant

When two producers from the cable television show Fandemonium emailed me, I had never heard of either of them let alone their new show. It seemed like good business sense for me to search the Internet and perform a background check. I researched the name of each producer but came up empty handed for Mr. Ray the Rant. How could Ray the Rant be producing a cable television show without something, anything being on the information super highway?
Nevertheless, via email both producers related that they had viewed footage of me in the 25/8 Philadelphia Eagles commercial then tracked me down through my casting agency. Now they were soliciting my interest in doing a bigger segment of my being a Philadelphia Eagles fan for their new television show Fandemonium, which salutes diehard fans of the bleed green team.
Feeling foolish that I did not know who Ray the Rant was, I responded in kind by emailing both producers back expressing my interest to christen their show. I wound up submitting video and other media for the TV show to cover me as a lifelong fan in a future episode.
Fast forward three weeks. While sitting at a Philadelphia Eagles pre-season game, the giant Fanavision screen played a promotional trailer for this same TV show, Fandemonium. To my complete surprise, the trailer showed an animated scruffy ruffian who introduced himself as Ray the Rant. In humorous fashion, I learned that my email communication had not been with a living person but with an oddball cartoon character. Still viewing one dimensional Ray the Rant on the stadium’s big screen, I heard him exclaim, “Joe from Jersey we got your tape!”
The irony rings my ears and stings my eyes. It was bad enough that I had been regularly talking with a cartoon character through email. Now our relationship had accelerated to the point that he could be talking about me to 60,000 other people. The situation was getting out of hand. Over the next couple of days, I dealt with only the counterpart producer to sign releases to appear on upcoming episodes of this same TV show. I refused to copy Ray the Rant on any further email distribution to avoid becoming a laughing stock within the Philadelphia Eagles organization. Believing I had sent Ray the Rant back to the drawing board, I received another personal email from him. This time his bristled scruffy animated cartoon face was an unmistakable mugshot inside a thumbnail icon. His likeness accompanied a Facebook invitation for me to become his friend.
Social networking is a pervasive labyrinth so who I am to understand the matrix? Ray the Rant remains the only non-living friend I have befriended on Facebook.


September 21, 2010

UPS and Downs

Of the conclusion that I had every detail worked out with monolithic UPS, I emailed the Ebay purchaser. I instructed him to put the package slated for return shipment out on his open porch. He must live in an awfully safe Florida neighborhood, because he left the package on his porch for three days and two nights without a truck ever making pickup while I waited for it here in New Jersey. Given Florida's notoorious humidity, thank goodness that the contents was sports memorabilia and not aged cheese.
The Ebayer emailed me back outraged about the lack of service on his porch. At the mercy of the mail, I immediately called the worldwide leader in the shipping business. My loose-lipped temperament outran my patience. I went through two UPS frontline staff until a distinguished sounding manager interceded with an improbable explanation.
“Oops, we forgot to inform the local UPS to pick it up. They were in that area plenty but did not know to pick it up. It is our problem on our level. I apologize.”
On the other end of the phone, my face went beet red thinking what brown has done to me. "You think?"
The manager brainstormed, “Wait a minute, the problem could also be that it may be a non-portable item for mailing.”
I queried, “What do you mean? As the original shipper, may I remind you that I lifted it? This is a return to sender situation. I am 48 years old living with an average life expectancy of 78, how much longer can I expect to wait for this shipment?”
“Okay, it’s coming, guy.”
“Need I mention that you greeted me with an admission of Oops? If you guys are the tightest ship in the shipping business, you are now dealing with the loosest cannon in the Ebay business.”
“This isn’t how we do business, sir.”
I commented, “So far it is. You guys ought to merge with Fed Ex and just be called Fed Up!”


September 11, 2010

Philadelphia Eagles 25/8 Commercial

Joseph Tornatore's Incredible Bulk impersonation in 25/8 commercial!

This is the first frame of my stunt scene in the new Philadelphia Eagles 25/8 commercial. It is currently airing on multiple channels to help promote the kickoff of the new National Football League season. I earned approximately five seconds of featured camera time in this thirty second commercial.

I hope this entertaining 25/8 commercial runs 24/7. When you are reduced to a pair of shorts for the world to see, you might as well get as much exposure as you can. This commercial captures the passion of Eagles fans perfectly. You can check it out on the Philadelphia Eagles website too. E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!


September 03, 2010

Bigger Than Life for a Moment

Lincoln Financial Field
Sitting at the 35 yard line of the last preseason game between the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Jets, I crooked my neck at the bigger than life Phanavision screen. During a stoppage in play of the first quarter, the Eagles Television Network ran a teaser trailer to the commercial I did for the team.

I excitedly realized that beside my beady eyes, tens of thousands of fans in the stadium got a glimpse of me on the big screen.

What had just occurred in a flash was surreal moment #248 in my lifetime.


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