Freudian Slips: December 2009

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

December 31, 2009

2009 Freudian Slips Irony Oscar

While most blogs have been supplanted by instantaneous applications like Facebook and Twitter, Freudian Slips has faced its share of challenges to survive on the information super highway otherwise known as the internet. Nevertheless, with ink newspapers going out of business by the droves, this mainstay blog closes out its sixth calendar year still pecking occasional copy on the keyboard. While no workforce reductions are in store for 2010, if readerhsip continues to wane, my blog headquarters may be moved to a smaller cupboard closest to an unsecured internet conncection. With so many blogs signing off for good, this writer worries if I may one day be joining the ranks of the blog deceased in favor of another medium.
Be that as it may, as nominated by my remaining dedicated blog readers based ontheir email inquiries and post comments, here are the five most popular blog articles appearing on Freudian Slips in 2009.
9-19-09 The PH Factor in Grass and Lovemaking
8-30-09 Beasts of Burden
6-28-09 Nick at Night
8-25-09 Fire Come and Get It
3-11-09 The Seedy Side of Life
And the winner of the 2009 Freudian Slips Irony Oscar goes to the blog posting, Nick at Night, a whimsical satire on working behind the scenes in a movie as Nick Nolte's stand-in.

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December 22, 2009

Ukranian Sand Art

This You Tube video is the most inspirational sand art that I have ever seen created. It is a young girl's moving pictorial on the devastating effects of wartime on ordinary Ukranian citizens. It is astonishingly done in real time in front of a live audience in tempo with piped background music and timed soundbites.

If only the world could peacefully unite based on such artistic displays of human spirit alone, the earth in which she so masterfully moves would be a better place. I have not been able to watch this tribute without shedding tears. I have always felt that if people truly listen to the arts, war planes would never fly.


December 20, 2009

Snowed In

Twenty two inches of snow fell in my area blanketing the ground in a sea of pristine white. It looks as though a white Christmas can be an easy prediction.


December 14, 2009

Beam Me Up, Slotty

Yours truly playing video slots at Caesar's casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Episodic gaming has become so popular it took me two overnight stays to get on this particular type machine but when I did I had to Klingon to my seat.


December 08, 2009

Biting the Silver Bullet

Joseph Tornatore in Coors Light commercial.
The first time I saw the markings on Coors Light cold-activated beer cans turn from blue to white in my hand, I got labeled a slow sipper amongst the partygoers. The second time that I was in the company of this same beer can I was frothing at the mouth filming a Coors Light commercial.

On one hand, one could make a case that the color-changing picture of Rocky Mountains on scraps of recycled aluminum is a crafty invention but not when you are shooting a commercial for the product itself. Actors had to keep those shiny cans frosty cold with the label angled towards the rolling camera. The crew had to keep cans cold in a nearby refrigerator then continuously swap them for warm beers that had spent too much time in front of the camera and thereby warmed to room temperature.

If there is a downside for a fun-loving guy shooting a beer commercial, it’s the overlooked rule that alcohol consumption is prohibited on the set. All day long, take after take, I longed to pop a top and drink from a Silver Bullet cam. There is plenty of truth in advertising for this actor. I played a news reporter in this commercial and I would like to report that this beer was made for drinking.

You can view the entire thirty second Coors Light commercial on Poptent for a limited time.


December 05, 2009

Yes Jiminy There Isn't a Santa Claus

The fake Santa Claus jostled into place the loose bed pillows underneath his bright red borrowed suit. With his body perspiring in the thick costume, he waddled into a fourth grade elementary school classroom yelping a round of his best ho-ho-ho’s. The elementary school children responded favorably with surprise and adulation. Twenty-four hours earlier, the fun-loving man playing iconic Santa Claus provided custodial care by wielding a wet mop in this same classroom.
In on the ruse, the teacher welcomed Santa Claus with Season’s Greetings.
“Merry Christmas!” shouted Santa Claus to Jewish and Gentile children alike.
The man playing Santa Claus had a pinch too much entertainer in him for perhaps even the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. He moved around the classroom greeting kids. Santa danced as if he had bells on his feet. He soon waddled to an aisle seat to his left. Santa stopped at a desk of his choosing hoping that his deliberate actions appeared random. Praying that his full white beard would not wardrobe malfunction, Santa hunched his upper body towards a sheepish student.
“Have you been a good boy?”
With all of the yelling, Santa’s voice sounded hoarse by now. This aided not only his disguise but concealed his identity. The male student, however, appeared shy about receiving individual attention. He squirmed in his seat and said nothing.
Good Ole Saint Nick needled him. “Santa thinks you have been naughty this year. I hope it isn’t going to be a lean Christmas for you.”
About this time, the boy’s eyes met Santa Claus’s eyes. Between the two sets of almond pupils bore a trace of familiarity. The boy searched for the gift of right words.
Another classmate broke-up the holiday cheer. “Jim, that’s your brother, stupid! You know, the school custodian.”

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