Freudian Slips: Summer Survival Tips for the Northeast

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

June 22, 2009

Summer Survival Tips for the Northeast

Summer is officially here although you would not know it by the abundant overcast skies that have cast gloom over our lives over the past month. Here are some survival tips for this summer.

  • Seasonal Affective Disorder has been extended until further notice.
  • Stop tracking weather forecasts. Every day is contrastingly dreary.
  • Cancel scheduled vacation time from work until August.
  • If you are hosting an outdoor event, rent a tent or canopy to pamper your guests.
  • If you see the sunshine, drop to both knees and worship it because it won't last long.
  • In the even of continued overcast benefited by the absence of rain, start mowing your overgrown lawn. Chances are it is almost one foot high.
  • If you have yet to turn on your underground sprinklers as a homeowner, you might not need to.
  • Do not replace your solar powered landscape lighting. The gizmos will eventually jump start the first nightfall after the return of the sun.
  • If you were considering joining a water park this summer, it may be coming to you.
  • If your tomato plants are not water rotted, register your magic garden in the next Farmer’s Almanac.
  • If you are a shoobie vacationing at the shore, the word “sucker’ now appears on your purchased beach tags.
  • Along with a $10..00 non-refundable deposit, reservations are now being taken for new windshield wiper blades at your local autmotive parts store.
  • Mostly cloudy is now considered an awesome forecast.
  • Dollar Store umbrellas are not made to work for thirteen straight days.
  • For you sun worshippers, SBF 3 sun tan lotion may be enough UV ray protection.
  • If you ever ruled out moving to Seattle because of their wet weather, now is the best time to change your mind.



Blogger Shoebee said...

more like the first half hour of dry to your closest lawn mower and cut as much as you can, even though you should not cut grass when it is wet, the way the weather has been, it won't dry out till next year.
I keep telling my mom that I don't need my ac, but I don't think she actually believes it. The only good thing about the current weather.

8:01 PM  
Blogger mommanator said...

well I'll be coming north shortly guarentee to get hot! it is hot here as the sayong hot as hades! and rain whats that?????

8:45 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

that is the sunny side of allthis, utility bills are down.

bring the sun with you.....He hasn't risen up here yet.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Honeybmse said...

Who can stop the rain?
Who can stop the rain from falling?
Who can stop this pain that's drowning me? (Thompson Twins)

Joe, of course I have vacation plans, three outdoor events (tents aren't cheap!) I did drop to my knees today when I saw the sun trying to come out only to be splashed by oncoming traffic, Thank God I was home, saw 10 people mowing lawns and 4 were working in tantum and I am LMAO that my sister just installed solar panels on her home and they look funky, and not in a good way.

Hope tomorrow is cloudy as it is my companies picnic outside of course!

10:56 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

first time the Thompson Twins were quoted on this blog. not a bad thing....

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Taylor said...

how tall are you?

12:13 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...


5:56 PM  

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