Freudian Slips: The Cocker in Spaniel

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

May 05, 2009

The Cocker in Spaniel

Brandy Tornatore

About twenty years ago, an adorable picture of my dog Brandy disappeared from the desktop of my office that was located in a sheltered workshop. Soon after surrendering hope that my dog picture would surface, Desmond J. Brentwood sauntered from the bathroom looking rather ragtag even for him.
After reminding him to pull up his zipper and tuck back in his shirt, I made the mistake of asking Desmond if he had dollar bills to make change for a ten spot. He stopped and removed his wallet on a chain. Behind a row of worn dollar bills, his fingertips grazed across something conspicuous. His eyes flashed mine. He is all thumbs now as the beloved picture of my dog falls out of his upside down wallet. My photo had wound up in the hands of a wayward mildly retarded young man who often admitted to engaging in acts of bestiality through a crooked smile. Our minds both race ahead to the unfolding event. Desomond picks up the picture as if it were his and not rightfully mine.
“Desmond, you stole a picture of my dog?”
“Joe, I know what you're thinking. I should have asked you to bring me in another picture from home. That’s all.”
“No, that is not what I'm thinking and that's not all. Desmond, you weren’t….Oh my God…you weren’t….to my dog?”
Desmond showed about as much remorse as boundaries. “I'm afraid so, Joe. You got a nice looking dog here. I love Cockers.”
I swiped the worn picture from his active clutches. I mouthed incredulously, “Leave Brandy alone.”
“I didn’t touch your dag gone dog.” He head nods back to the bathroom he vacated. “I only use the picture like a normal guy would a girlie magazine.”
“Oh my God!”
"Joe, you look like you're going to barf....Do you need to use the bathroom?"



Anonymous marcus said...

TMI! I would not have wanted that picture back.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For crying out loud, did you go wash your hands after you touched the picture. And, of course, you didn't take ten ones for a sperm coated ten spot!!!!

12:37 PM  
Blogger mommanator said...

OMG- your doggie has been violated she should go to therapy!

1:33 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

and let him defile my pet some more?

I told him to keep the change. lol

notorious reputation, I would be surprised if you didn't know.

6:10 PM  
Blogger E said...

That is just WRONG!!! Ack!

6:29 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

not more slimey than the political scene. lol

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're morally disgusting

1:40 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

I'll shuttle your message to Desmond if I ever see him again.

8:29 AM  

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