Freudian Slips: Bollywood: A Shot in the Dark

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

November 25, 2008

Bollywood: A Shot in the Dark

Hitting the big time: Joseph Tornatore with actor Jim Mccauley
Objective: Stay awake for 25 consecutive hours working as a humane social worker then as a human shield on a Bollywood film.

6pm Wardrobe and Prop crew warn actors of loud noises, a hot gun, and blood spraying tonight on location. I scratch my head thinking that the Broad Street subway should be a closed set to curtail violence and not complicate the plot.

7pm Actors board trains and realize how little room there is to act in a wanton frenzy on a compartmental train. A few tired actors already look like they want off this red eye acting gig. Director Rensil D'Silva and his talented crew tinker with the logistics of the upcoming scenes.
8pm Actors are reminded to act how we normally would act during the terroristic events of 9/11. Accordingly, I never could get a cell phone signal in the subway to call my wife one last time and the closest thing to a cockpit to seize on the train housed only a non-chalant American born engineer talking football.

9pm Between takes of a climatic killing scene in the movie, pinched-eyebrow Bollywood actors are explained the tradition of an American Thanksgiving with the term Native American used ahead of its alternative.

10pm Bollywood crew members ask extras if anyone can professionally sing to spark downtime camaraderie between takes. An actress absentmindedly decides to give a full-bodied rendition of God Bless America. She never sang another song. I never saw her used in another scene all night.

11pm In a choreographed scene of extras trying to flee from an armed terrorist on a commuter train, 6’10” 450 pound actor muscles me into the door of a train cab. It was my third Bollywood movie but I finally hit the big time! I got some major face time pressed against the glass by this giant.

Midnight Tilapia in a white cream sauce is served in the cold subway right outside your dining car train, a la cart if you will.

1am Bollywood actor shares terrified tale watching a mountain lion wander onto a Hindi film set and slay the trained Doberman pincher lapping from a swimming pool. The doggone tale is told in Jurassic park Technicolor.

2am Principle actors laude the chai tea guru flown across continent from India to make a cauldron of his warm elixir on the set as a rare treat for the actors subjected to filming abroad. There are whispers among the American actors that the chai tea tastes like Apple Jacks cereal.

3am Conversation with famous Bollywood actor covers him agreeing to meet the Dalai Lama for lunch with the Himalayan mountains and a movie set as a grand backdrop. I never got in a word edgewise but wanted to share my having a meal on the set once with Fred Savage of the The Wonder Years.

4am Blank from gun discharges by my head after I moved late clearing out of the gunman’s path in a night scene requiring timing for cinematic effect. I thought I lost my hearing with the flash bang then realized I forgot to remove my earplugs after the scene. Afterall, non-union acting is a taking a shot in the dark.

5am An attractive female extra decides to rouse drooping eyelids by doing upside down handstand push-ups on a moving train. Red-blooded males hoped the exhibitionistic gymnast might entertain a remake of the train scene in Risky Business.

6am Six hours since the train last stopped for a R & R break, my bloated bladder screams for extra work of its own. I would have bought a colostomy bag, if anyone were selling a do-it-yourself unit.

7am After riding the subway all night in the same train as Hindi megastars Vivek Oberoi and Saif Ali Khan, I got back on that same dreaded subway to go home.

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12 Comments:

Anonymous Damien Colletti said...

Nice, sounds like a good time! See you in the final cut!

8:54 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

damien,
hope we both make it to the final cut. That picture you took of me with terror on my face came out great by the wya.

10:35 PM  
Anonymous Damien Colletti said...

Hey, I saw myself on the video replay (when you were in the other train and they only used 2 of us). So, I know I made the final cut! Lol. But, hope we both do no doubt bro! Really? Cool, glad to hear is wasn't terrorible! Lol. Send me the pic.

1:57 AM  
Blogger mommanator said...

That is one big guy! you look like a midget below him, hope he was a gentle giant?

8:18 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

mommanator,
Jimmy was the nicest guy in the world.

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Alessandra said...

Hey, that chai was magical, especially after shivering for 10 straight hours in and outside of "Lexington" station Sunday the 23rd!

9:16 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Alessandra,
I never said I didn't like apple Jacks cereal. lol

6:43 PM  
Blogger Pax Romano said...

Another star studded moment in the city of brotherly love.

Great posting.

And yes, that guy looks like he could lift that subway car over his head and not break a sweat.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

pax,
I thought his charge was the remake of Deader, the Better. lol

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Jim McCauley said...

Hey Joe, Finally made it to your blog! Great stuff! My number has recently changed, I will send you the new contact info. Was nice meeting you, hope to catch up with you again sometime...

6:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe, I remember seeing you in a movie. I couldn't remember which movie until now. I saw the movie "Twins" again. You and Arnold Schwarzenegger were hilarious!

3:39 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Anonymous,
It's Always Sunny in Joeydelphia.

7:45 PM  

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