Laying Down the Law

Ever since my locker was broken into at the gym last year, I keep my valuables in the car and have been working out with my keys kept in my possession at all times. It seemed a foolproof way to stay safe and keep my new car from being stolen.

The keyring lump in my shorts has its disadvantages. I often have to reposition my car keys during stretching exercises on a floor mat and situps on a bench to avoid discomfort. No big deal. In the last few weeks, I have incurred some minor setbacks.

By definiton, technology is suppose to make it harder for criminals to operate. I have come to learn that protecting my gym locker from break-in by hoarding my keys can mean making my car accessible. While Seinfeld's George Castanza would marvel at some of the close parking spots I am stealing at the gym lately, the untold story is that I am triggering my deft transponder during exercise and thereby popping the car door locks and trunk.

While my locker full of 1980's garb has never been safer on a continuim, all of the thieves are canvassing the parking lot waiting for me just to roll on my stomach and lay down the law.