Freudian Slips: Fitness Cycles

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

February 23, 2008

Fitness Cycles

At Bally’s gym, happenstance placed me on an exercise bike next to a serious minded middle-aged woman. I attempted in vain to keep up with her spinning legs but I quickly settled into a 6 mph trailer crawl. She had never broken stride by the time I baled on the ride ten minutes down the road.
A half an hour later, this ambitious woman appeared next to me in the free weight area, where she grabbed heavier dumbbells and out-muscled me on the arm curls. She later outstretched me on the floor mat. On an incline bench, she accomplished more sit-ups. She completed more repititions than I on the lat pull down bar. A picture of fitness, she only grimaced during exercises that made me profusely sweat. By the closing ceremonies, I was intramural athletic to her Olympian effort.
I mused over leaving the gym at the same time. The airport sound of my rolling gym bag on wheels made a mockery of my state of fitness compared to her shoulder straggling backpack. To my chagrin and pride, I detected no signs of actual fatigue from her gold medal performance.
I chatted, “It’s a good feeling to be finished with a workout.”
“Yes it is.” she replied.
Heading off to my car, we strangely parted company where the sidewalk met the parking lot. By the time my lard butt touched my car’s leather seat, this woman had simply disappeared. I never saw her pull out of the lot.
As more irony would have it, I passed her on the shoulder of a two-lane road. Leading with a Greg Lemond chin, she pedaled a shiny bicycle into the biting wind of a winter day. I floored it. Forget about the unfair advantage of a gasoline alley because I incautiously sped ahead of her for the first time in her workout. I leaned on my horn, beeping it in shallow victory.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

You go, Joe, toot that horn. At the end of the race, oh, what a boisturous wimp!!!

12:47 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Not everyone can be Popeye. Somebody has to sit around and eat hamburgers.

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, I love the way you ended that story. It takes a real man to admit that a woman out worked him--in every capacity. ;-)
I'm sure you're in much better shape than you admit here.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

I admit to only tying her in jumprope. lol

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A peddler of prose need not take such pride in ones physical accomplishments. Your perceived foe has not only out dueled you physically, but also conserved energy, as your gas guzzling stallion races by

4:40 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Now who could this be? Your patter is easily recognizeable from as far away as Vermont.

6:27 PM  

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