Freudian Slips: E-ZPaint on the E-ZPass

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

December 09, 2007

E-ZPaint on the E-ZPass

I handpicked my 2007 Nissan Altima for its matching color scheme of a gray leather interior with a solid color gray exterior from a catalogue. After the car was shipped to the dealership, I raced to the lot to sign on the dotted line. I drove home inhaling that addictive new car smile which I have learned is curing out gassing plastic. When I transferred my E-ZPass transponder to my pristine new car, I knew something was imperfect from my obsessive-compulsive standpoint.
There is always something wrong from my vantage point. It is just a matter of identifying the problem and figuring out how to fix it. I was never a fan of E-ZPass because of the glue pads that adhere to the windshield. So I fixed that problem with Velcro strapping that I attached to the arm of my rearview mirror. Although I fixed that annoyance, something else still bothered me.
My white EZ-Pass transponder shone like a beacon through the windshield against the dark gray backdrop of my cabin. I know this would not matter to 999 out of 1000 people but I try not to live anyone else’s life. So the white contrast annoyed me until I could not stand for the color inconsistency. With nary a witness in sight, I hand painted my transponder using gray acrylic paint. I am thankful the neighbors did not get a glimpse of me trying to mix paint in my driveway to color match a transponder with the décor of my car.
Less than one ounce of easy paint later, I restored perfection. It was time to sit back in the driver’s seat and relax. The next day, I received a surprise package in the mail from the New Jersey Motor Vehicles agency. Although I read the enclosed letter as a pedestrian, it drove me crazy.
Dear Mr. Tornatore,
In an ongoing effort to maintain the highest level of service to our E-ZPass customers, we have identified your transponder as outdated and we have enclosed a replacement unit.
The letter literally laughed at me. I held the shipped white transponder in my hand only a matter of seconds before it entered my artist studio. My paintbrush had not even dried by the time I grabbed it again. I painted the new unit gray before it knew what hit it. If there is any good reason these units cannot come in different colors, my paintbrush wants to know about it.



Blogger mommanator said...

OOOO there is a place with padded walls for people like you! messing with state property AGAIN!

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mommanator, messing with State property is not the only reason that place in the sun(not)is waiting for him.

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clever as a fox. You can't fool me, as this blog is again being used to promote $$$$$$ your artistic endevours. I can see the toy shop now, filled with bubble hockey teams and EZ Passes.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

A sheriff looks at padded walls from the outside in. lol

don;t you mean...refurbishing State property.

I am a dollar late and a dollar short. Ebay already lists manufacturer's of a similar product only with suction cups. But I was initially thinking in those terms, always thinking in those terms.

7:14 PM  

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