Freudian Slips: Muscle for the Meeting

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

April 10, 2007

Muscle for the Meeting

I have never heard a conversation at a professional meeting digress as much as this. Many years ago, a quorum of professionals gathered around a long table in a classroom for a crisis intervention meeting on a troubled institutionalized client. Team members discussed the self-abusive behavior of a borderline personality caught hiding contraband up his rectum.
A senior special education teacher interjected his thoughts with traces of grain alcohol on his breath. “I do not endorse the rectum as a makeshift storage compartment but isn’t the sphincter an incredible muscle? I do not know about anyone else but it is my favorite muscle in the human body. There isn’t even a close second for me. Think about its power, its magnificence, its adaptability. The sphincter can expand or contract at will. The small orifice can absorb or extract huge payloads. It can adapt to a gateway of pleasure or an exit for waste. I admire the powers of the sphincter muscle. No…I worship it.”
An awkward dead silence lingered in the classroom. What can you say about a teacher of the handicapped digressing to the point of fixation on his love for the sphincter muscle at the most inappropriate of times? I wanted to call this man the actual object of his desire but I thought he would take it as a compliment. A psychologist broke the ice for all those in attendance. He proclaimed, “God bless the sphincter muscle!” before we resumed normal discussion.
-Assholes come in all shapes and sizes.



Blogger E said...

That is disturbing in its hilarity. Or hilarious in its disturbingness (?). Disturbment? Disturbitude? Either way, it's disturbing. You meet the most interesting people, Joe!

7:09 AM  
Blogger Abbe said...

That reminds me of a story, a coworker of mine worked in a building with another person whose last name was Hull, same first initial,"S". One day she got a call for the other Hull and the person on the phone was upset. She tried to let him know that he had the wrong person and she was not the only "S".Hull in the building. Just at that moment her boss walked by and the look he gave her.

True story!

8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like this A-hole had diarrhea of the mouth!!!! What he had to say had an unpleasant odor, too.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

it is how you view life. i hope you are feeling better.

could only have been funnier on a cruise ship with a third hull.

liquid lunches have a way of pushing the envelope.

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not one to turn your back on!

9:53 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Someone told me this staff member died a few years ago. he was near retirement many moons ago. now that word usage is a Freudian Slip.

12:05 AM  
Blogger mommanator said...

sounds like he had optirectulitis-" a shitty look on life"

1:13 AM  
Anonymous et said...

Mommanator, "optirectulitis", what a splendid sounding word! I don't know why, but it reminds me of my favorite word, serendipitous! It might be because they are both unexpected events.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Shit happens.

I thought your favorite word was Antonio.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

Gotta joke for you, Wanda Sykes said it best, someting about ripping eyeballs out and sticking them in that orifice so they can see what a S Hull they really are...
It was funny when she said it...

7:59 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

I always keep an eye out for funny.

9:20 PM  
Blogger honkeie2 said... nearly killem. Got to love the assholes of the world! I also love the word verification I got: hoonddot

9:44 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

There are plenty.

12:18 PM  
Blogger e said...

Did it occur to anyone to give HIM a diagnosis?!?!
Can't say I'd want him intervening for me.

9:53 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

he did have a diagnosis - alcoholic.

11:22 PM  

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