Freudian Slips: Leftovers

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

November 24, 2005

Leftovers

Here is something to chew on for Thanksgiving. Not far along into a new year, I received a telephone call from an inspector.
After some chit-chat, she announced, “I went into one of the foster homes under your supervision.”
I took a deep breath. “Oh, you did? Which home are we going to be talking about?”
Inspectors take their jobs seriously. I knew this phone call could be about any one of a half dozen homes and any number of deficiencies from misuse of an extension cord, clogged lint in the dryer trap, a medication error, or alleged misappropriation of funds.
“I was out at the Lengerxines home in mid-January, Joe. Interesting lady. I looked into her oven and guess what I found?”
Humm, I thought to myself. This sounds like the makings of a trick question. I was kind of boxed in with nowhere to run. “I don’t know." I guessed, "Food?”
“A cooked turkey.”
“Poultry isn’t a code violation these days, is it?”
“No. No. You don’t understand.” the inspector stopped me in my wisecracking tracks. “I mean a cooked turkey that was cobwebbed and rotting still sitting in its roasting pan.”
“Jesus!” I muttered like a poser trying to gain some composure over the state of decomposer. I offered a reasonable explanation. “I guess Mrs. Lengerxines cooked on Christmas Day and forgot about it.”
“Joe, that is exactly what I said to her but she jumped up and down in protest.”
I had a feeling this story was going to go from bad to rotten. “And…” I replied cringing on the other end of the phone.
“She apparently only uses the oven a couple times a year and insisted she ate over a relative’s house on Christmas. So her oven still had...Thanksgiving dinner in it! I asked her what did her family eat for Thanksgiving. She insisted turkey. It looked like a whole bird to me but Mrs. Lengerxines swears she put the turkey back in the oven for leftovers.”
“Oh my God!” I tried to fight my way out of a compromising situation with levity. “Somebody needed to flip Mrs. Lengerxines the bird. She puts the leftover in Thanksgiving leftovers!”

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10 Comments:

Blogger Erin said...

Oh my. I can see 1 day. Even two ro 3. But the smell after an entire year??? That's for the birds!

6:29 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

erin, that's for the birds. i was going to use that line but remembered I used in last year's ?Thanksgiving post. have a happy thanskgiving, Erin.

4:36 AM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

If it stays there long enough may be it can make it into guiness lol.

9:37 AM  
Blogger justrose said...

absolutely incredible. who knew a turkey could get cobwebs?

happy thanksgiving joe!

7:39 PM  
Blogger Merci said...

Shades of Miss Haversham. Guess she didn't have Great Expectations for the leftovers, or she wouldn't have forgotten them!

Did they send her on to one of those trainings where they tell you to get leftovers into the fridge within 2-3 hours???

And Happy Thanksgiving, Joe!

8:39 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

honk,
A Guiness for what ales ya!

justrose,
i think Merci answered that question rather nicely.

Merci,
that has to be the comment of the year on my blog. i thought the same thing when I first heard the story. Deserted Miss Haversham how apropros. should have included it in my writing.

10:30 AM  
Blogger lilly05 said...

Now that's just fowl Joe! Happy turky day. :)

4:53 AM  
Blogger Merci said...

Except I realized later that I spelled it wrong. Oops. Havisham...

8:56 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

lilly,
thanks for the fowl play.

merci,
we will have to remember it by Have A Sham.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Sounds like Mrs. L should have been tarred and feathered for this little antic.

She must be a little flighty.

I hope this year she entertained her guests on a wing and a prayer.

[ugh, I'm making even myself sick now]

6:58 AM  

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