Rock Tumbler, A Cliffhanger for Man and Mother Nature

Santa Claus, in his infinite wisdom, brought my son a Rock Tumbler science kit. For all you Bill Nye the Science Guy fans out there, please read the cautionary labels – contains functional sharp objects. It is not recommended for children under eight years of age or apparently adults who supervise them. I have had better times at a flea circus. They think of everything. Rock Tumbler comes with rocks included. Why not? The pampered couch potato youngsters of America might not know where to readily find rocks. Kids would have to venture outdoors to know that much.

If anyone is still on the edge of a cliff wondering how rocks are made, listen here. I have no idea what Consumer Reports might say about this toy but this little plug-in contraption turns rocks placed in a barrel at 50 revolutions per minute. A junior cement mixer, it replicates and accelerates the actions of water, air, and sand pushing on rocks until the besieged become real smooth operators. I don’t suppose jewelers and gemologists are buying these things in droves. I only have Santa Claus to thank. Man’s galvanized process takes only days for what Mother Nature labors in a thousand years. My position is that we should leave well enough alone. If we trace this invention’s grass roots, I am sure we will unearth an individual with ties to an electric company. This science experiment takes four days of ungodly noise pollution and electricity to smooth a rock! I have seen better and quieter work on prison chain gangs. After a night of restless sleep, due to hearing an endless landslide transverse a mountain, I got-up and relocated the science project to the abyss of the garage. Even though the trash cans were due east, I put Rock Tumbler on my work bench and plugged it in. The irony is that I nearly tripped over a dozen dusty bikes, scooters, mopeds, and skateboards to get there. Nevertheless, the contraption started up right away, its gears grinding and turning the kilowatts upward on my electricity bill.

“That ought to drive the mice to insanity.” I told my wife upon re-entering the house.