Jimmy Says the Darndest Things...Xmas Special

I wanted to include some holiday cheer before the spirit of the season gets behind us. My stepson Jimmy can fill a book of Kids Say the Darndest Things with a foreword written by Bill Cosby himself. Jimmy is as innocent as the driven snow. He reminds me of the joys of parenting time and time again. Included here are some memorable lines from the youngster’s mouth this holiday.

About a week before Thanksgiving, my wife Diane approached Jimmy with a rudimentary question.

“Jim, do you want to go with us to the Thanksgiving Day parade?”

Jimmy supplied his gem of an answer. “I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “When is it?”

Fast forward to Christmas. All of my life, I dreamed of owning a home with an open foyer with a grand Palladian window. It is the ultimate room with a view and an awesome showcase for holiday decorations. During Christmas, we prop a lit tree and trimmings up there complete with wrapped façade presents. While stringing lights to the five foot high Xmas tree on the landing, I saw my stepson stop dead on the staircase.

“Joe, how are we going to reach the presents?”

Jimmy stood twenty feet below me with the stoic resolve of a firm believer in the magic of Christmas. He had the grandeur of an elf asking his prominent question from below.

“What are you talking about?” I returned, shaking down the tree branches.

“Why are you putting our Christmas tree up so high? Santa ain’t never gonna reach it.” On the day before Christmas, Jimmy asked permission to sleep over his friend’s house. "Mom, I got a lot of time off from school so I was thinking could I sleep over a friend's house tonight?"

I laid the cards on the table. “What do you just want to wake-up in someone else’s house on Christmas morning? When you know Santa Claus is coming, you don’t change your zip code last minute. Come on now.” The hum dinger grand daddy of them all came on Christmas morning. Jimmy didn't have to say anything for this gem. My wife decided to open up our home to the children’s father so he could share in the joy of seeing his children open up their gifts. The children’s father accepted the invitation although I got to admit it was a tad awkward. I held the camcorder to my face for most of the wrapping paper flying event. Through my viewfinder it almost seemed like I was hired as a cinematographer for a family who never disenfranchised.

I suppose Jimmy never expected his father and I to be in the same room come Christmas morning. Then again, either did I. The time came for Jimmy to hand out his gifts to his two male role models. Two equally sized gifts were handed out to each of us. We simultaneously undressed our single tiny gift. He and I each held a pen which said, World’s Greatest # 1 Dad.