Freudian Slips: Customer Service or Wiretapping?

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

January 18, 2005

Customer Service or Wiretapping?

Consumer beware the next time you hear the following disclaimer over the telephone. *This call may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. I heard it announced on public radio that nearly every business employs this little catchall phrase at the beginning of customer relations calls. The operative word here is “catchall” and it is a dirty little secret making its way out to the general public. Once businesses issue this lack of privacy statement, they are entitled to listen in during periods you are on hold. Masked men of espionage can gauge your conversations with third parties, your degree of honesty, your level of frustration, and invade your privacy or the cloak thereof. Now that I know my privacy is being invaded I will modify my future behavior. I am trainable. But I might as well take this time to explain my past actions to all those squirrelly saboteurs with ear muffed headphones. 1. Yes, while on hold I sometimes rehearse out loud what I am going to say later into the phone. This is an idiosyncratic behavior and not due to any underlying insecurity. 2. I am only a heavy breather even though I sound grossly overweight. I have a gym membership to prove it. 3. I want to go on the record and let everyone know I occasionally blow my nose. I don’t live near a train station. 4. Just because I holler at my kids doesn’t mean I do not have a legitimate gripe with your company. 5. You might have thought I was calling from a laundromat, I was trying to brush my teeth while I waited for someone other than Big Brother to answer my pending call. 6. When you heard me popping pills, it was aspirin. I also don’t smoke and if I did I most certainly wouldn’t inhale. 7. The squeal like a pig noises in 2003 was me running from a bumble bee which got into my home. 8. The profanities I have waged over the years are the result of Tourette’s Syndrome not the mind boggling time left on hold. 9. I don’t live in an echo chamber. That was me on the hopper. Life goes on while you are spying on me. Shit happens! 10. Just because I talk to my plants and pets on a first name basis, doesn’t make me crazy. 11. Yes, Verizon Wireless and Comcast Cable, I still stand behind my hush toned name calling. You both are still Evil Empires in my book.

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Blogger HoneybeeMissy said...

Joe, I agree Comcast and Verizon are evil, evil people and I will throw PSE&G in there too, but don't tell my brother-in-law!

2:22 AM  

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