Fifth Annual Freudian Slips Irony Oscar

The pedigree nominees for the best short story in 2008 on this Freudian Slips blog included Epiphany Speaking, Winning One for the Whimper, Girl Interupted, Cutting Tyler a Break, and Kelly's Hero.

The ballots have been counted without a single hanging chad. Before the winner is announced let me just say that voting set an all-time record high. Commentary and votes flooded in like a ticker tape parade. My email inbox filled with sizeable messages like no blog story before it.

The landslide winner of the Fifth Annual Freudian Slips Irony Oscar is: Girl Interrupted, a poignant tale about a handicapped woman trying to create a life of her own late in life itself.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to seeing everyone next year.

2006 Freudian Slips Irony Oscar

The end of each year gives a blog writer pause to ceremonial recognize the best postings for the year. The esteemed members of the Freudian Slips board met the day after Christmas to select this year’s nominees. In careful study of the writing field, delegates poured through over 100 short stories in table talk banter. Honorable Mention went to Dear Great Grandchildren short story of 1-6-06. An anonymous trustee petitioned the magnanimous board to include this visionary story of life in a perpetual changing world. Although the board ultimately denied the request for an Irony Oscar on lack of coincidental folly, it lauded Dear Great Grandchildren as the best posting of the year in terms of quality writing. While the Board considered about a dozen worthy postings in total, I am pleased to announce the first ballot deserving nominees for the Third Annual Freudian Slips Irony Oscar:

Double Swallow of Hard Candy on August 13, 2006. An author’s blind attempt to write a fictional novel that he only later serendipitously discovered contained more elements of truth in an actual published non-fiction memoir called Hard Candy by an accomplished writer. The uncanny ironies proved more than hack writer Joe Tornatore could swallow.

Slim Pickings on August 10, 2006. A writer struggling with writer’s block becomes privy to bizarre dialogue in a doctor’s office with his stalled pen in hand. Board members lauded this incalculable ironic art of the moment in Joe Tornatore’s life crafted in a superlative story that could not have been better scripted with any more irony. The author’s rare medical condition comically juxtaposes the confused man trying in vain using vine to rid himself of poison ivy's pestilence in the backdrop of a doctor’s office.

The Empty Cupboard posted on 9-26-06 portrays a handicapped couple’s unrecognized dream of raising children verses their parental incompetence to accomplish the same. Heartfelt and moving story interlaced with irony topped only by a twist ending.

Bazookas Joe on 12-1-06 describes the ironic story of how Joe Tornatore starring as a two-bit background actor ended up landing a speaking role in a motion picture. A Seinfeld sitcom- like must read within an eventual must see silverscreen act.

Bang your own drum roll please. The picked winner of the 2006 Freudian Slips Irony Oscar by a slim margin goes to Slim Pickings. As scribe Joe Tornatore hoisted the meager grey silicone statue over his big head, he reminded fans that not every great story falls easily from the vine but he promised faithful readers that there will be no rash of similar stories in the upcoming year.

Freudian Slips Irony Oscar

It’s that time of year again! The grand time full of pomp and circumcision to announce the coveted winner of the 2nd Annual Freudian Slips Irony Oscar. The invitation-only ceremonies for faithful Freudian Slips blog readers is traditionally held on Festivus Day, the day before the day before Christmas. If you haven’t been following the mega dittos press coverage, the awards ceremony was held again at Smitty’s Opera House, an abandoned amphitheater of a struggling playwright located at a blip on the map known as Newfield, NJ. My props to the Board of Directors and the non-consensual volunteers, who ardently held scalpers at bay and kept ticket prices under a single dollar.

Finger sandwich appetizers lavishly displayed with Little Paper Pink Umbrellas filled two rusted folding tables. An average three cord cover band got the modest crowd whipped into an eating frenzy. When a moth-riddled red carpet was unfurled by two ex-carnie roadies, the paying guests knew it was time to retreat to their splintered wooden seats. Only since the one-man play, Defending the Caveman, has a stage looked so prehistorically baren.

This years emcee, the multi-talented Pax Romano, danced his way onto the stage reminiscent of the Café Life scene in the movie Rent. Pax did not disappoint with his uncanny ability for improvisation during the many lulls when there literary, I mean literally, wasn’t anything to do or talk about. Pax, who agreed to emcee for the modest upkeep of a new tuxedo and a quart of Lady Sara’s famous potato salad, gingerly removed the nominees from the see-through, albeit sealed, Ziploc storage bags. Balcony guests strained to hear Pax’s muffled voice, who wrestled with a faulty microphone and poor spotlighting all night long.

As the nominees were announced, screams from the peanut gallery filled the amphitheater. Carrying a dustpan and broom, an elderly janitor gave an Academy-award performance catching field mice, which caused all the commotion in the first place.

“Cue the mice again.” slyly whispered Joe Tornatore off stage.

Pax’s outstretched hands quieted the scared-of-rodent crowd. He shouted, “The nominees for best blog posting on Freudian Slips for the year 2005 are:

The Familiar Stranger, by Joe Tornatore. An introspective Dinner with Andre meets Guess Who's Coming to Dinner affair.

Going Postal by Joe Tornatore. An unsuspecting patron’s folly mailing packages through a clerk impersonating a Nazi.

Hoosier Daddy? by Joe Tornatore The chronicle of a naïve vacationing lad who unwittingly visits a gay bar in Indiana.

Hindiana Jones by Joe Tornatore, a comedic peek inside the insignificant world of background acting on the movie set of Kank.

Armenian Cheese by Joe Tornatore, a cheesy Seinfeldish snapshot of ordering American cheese in a deli taken over by foreigners from India.

A tiny boom box played a synthesized drum roll for all to marvel. Without the buffer of security guards or entourage, Joe Tornatore squirmed nervously alone in his Director’s chair to the right of the stage. Regardless of the matinee time start, this could only be Joe’s night. Begging for a winner, the blogging crowd stood at attention one last time. The high decibel roar proved hard to differentiate the mocking chants of Hindi from Indy, India from Nazi.

Pax announced, “And the winner is…….Going Postal.

The sound of one hand clapping and three timely helium balloons released from the orchestra section stamped Going Postal as the resounding winner. Free ribbon-wrapped copy of Going Postal was circulated up and down the aisles to adoring fans. Only one rogue US Postal service worker mildly protested the Oscar winner by tossing an egg onto the foot of the stage. The egg seemed staged to Joe Tornatore so he took it all in stride to the podium. Joe, who avoided egg on his face for the second year running, bowed to the crowd before the curtain literally and figuratively fell down.

“Viva Freudian Slips.” hailed Joe.

*Needless to say, so ends my first ever fictional blog posting on Freudian Slips. This is my last post of the year. See you all next year.