Roadside Assistance

Straight from the archival vault of Freudian Slips, my friend’s car once broke down on the freeway. He coasted the clunker car to the empty shoulder then hitchhiked home to gather the necessary tools to fix his flat tire. He used a secondary vehicle to return to the scene, where his initial worry about abandoning his car on the side of the road relented to peace of mind. Repairs had to be completed before nightfall, however, so he hunched over in a kneel struggling to remove stubborn lug nuts in order to fix the flat tire.

The cars whizzing by forced waves of air on his back. After a few minutes, another car pulled up. Two cars now parked behind the one disabled vehicle. My hardworking friend heard approaching footsteps and assumed a Good Samaritan arrived to offer roadside assistance. A stranger indeed stopped at the disabled vehicle wielding a long screwdriver. He crouched then started to pry a hubcap off a wheel using the tool for leverage. The two men now worked on the same side of the disabled car but on different wheels.

“What do you think you’re doing?” solicited my friend.

The wily man replied, “Just because you were here first on the scene doesn’t mean you’re entitled to steal all four hubcaps. Don’t be stingy. I’m taking as many as I can before dark just like you.”

“Stingy?” my friend incredulously replied. “I went home for tools. These are both my bleeping cars you thieving a$$hole!”