Freudian Slips: Howard's End

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

October 05, 2006

Howard's End

-Ryan Howard preparing to clobber another homerun.
Naturally, the man sitting in front of me at a late season Philadelphia Phillies baseball game was not a baseball fan. Freudian Slips would have it no other way. A youth group leader, he and his merry band of men bussed troubled youths to the September 22, 2006 ball game. He carried a bullhorn but little interest in the game itself. Naturally, I wound up talking to him about his work since I had a lot to draw on as a career social worker.

The sellout crowd went ballistic when titan Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard clubbed his league leading 58th homerun to the opposite field in the third inning. While sitting in the bleachers reveling in the hoopla, the business side of me seized control of my brain.

Drawing on every ounce of my background acting skills, I melodramatically dropped a line. “So how many kids did you take to the game?”

The group leader fanned me the wad of 105 ticket stubs in his possession. I looked wide-eyed at a clump thicker than a pinochle deck. How many other avid baseball fans and Ebay sellers knew the way I did that only five other baseball players in major league history have hit more homeruns in a single season? I debated tossing the guy a few bucks for the game used tickets citing my hobby as a memorabilia collector. If that homerun turned out to be Ryan Howard’s last of the season, I could sell the tickets individually on Ebay for upwards of $20.00 each. Just when I thought I was in the catbird seat, reality reared its ugly head. The Phillies still had nine games remaining on their schedule. Experts projected Howard to hit 61 homeruns so a ticket stub for the 58th homerun would be worth chump change on the cha-ching dollar. I kept my mouth and wallet closed.

Needles to say, Ryan Howard finished the season with 58 homeruns and 148 runs batted in while batting a lofty .315 in the process. I relished the pleasure of witnessing in person Howard’s final homerun of a storied season. I also lament the pain of knowing I passed up on making over $2000.00 the easy way. Being in the right place at the right time and still not capitalizing is the untold story of my ironic life. Freudian Slips would have it no other way.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this the naked truth?

7:36 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

funny you should mention that descriptive word, my brother-in-law.

8:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Howard is awesome! Shame the end of the season wasn't...

9:56 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

finishing a combined total of three game sout of the playoffs the last two years is disappointing.

4:41 PM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

It was because of Ryan that I became interested in baseball this year. It was not because Pat Burell is cute, like Pax suggests. Hoped that he would make it past 61, well there is always next year.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

No worry, Pax will live a long life well past 61.

5:26 PM  

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