Freudian Slips: Nineteen Lies and an Isolated Truth

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

July 12, 2005

Nineteen Lies and an Isolated Truth

Weed the truth from fiction. Post your answer.

1)I shook the hand of President Jimmy Carter

2)I got an autograph of Ben Stiller in person

3)I was treated for bulimia

4)I have been married three times.

5)I own firearms including an assault rifle

6)I made over $9,000 in Ebay sales last year.

7)I have three children.

8) I have been aboard a UFO.

9)I ran out of gasoline in the Nevada desert.

10)I was attacked by a shark while the original movie Jaws played in movie theatres.

11)I own a United States Patent.

12)I am a Jehovah’s Witness.

13)Lightning has struck me not once but twice.

14)I was born in Italy.

15)I have a photographic memory.

16)I dated a midget who guest starred on Seinfeld.

17)I am valedictorian of my high school class.

18)I was grand marshall in a parade.

19)In a truth or dare, I held my breath underwater for over 6 minutes.

20)My master’s degree is in parapsychology

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20 Comments:

Anonymous et said...

I have to disqualfy myself because I know the answer.

8:41 PM  
Anonymous et said...

Oops! Disqualify

8:44 PM  
Blogger PaxRomano said...

The UFO, it's the UFO!!!! No wait a second, let's see...well, you do have that EBay account...I never saw you selling a copy of The Watch Tower...there was the little incident with the FBI a few years back so the firearms might be true...No body would admit to meeting Ben Stiller...was the bulimia thing during your Kate Moss phase?...I KNOW you were married twice, but before I met you, who knows what the hell you were doing...shark bit makes sense, all kinds of wild life like to attack you...struck by lightning twice, hmmm, nah! Not even you have that kind of bad luck...

I say you were born in a UFO that was hovering above Italy and your nurse maid was a midget who went on to guest star on Seinfeld. Oh, and every year you are grand marshal of the UFO abuductee parade in that town in New Mexico where area 51 is located!!!!

11:10 PM  
Blogger Lost said...

I go with the Grand Marshall of the parade. Was I close?

12:26 AM  
Blogger madcapmum said...

After reading through your archives, Joe, I'm going to guess the degree in parapsychology. What's my prize?

9:37 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Pax,
no UFO abduction. I threw that one in there just to throw you off.

Lost,
No grand marshall.

Madcapmum,
Given all the "ironies" in my life, I have a strong interest in parapsychology but no degree.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Lost said...

Hmmm ok you own a US patent.

1:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK Freudian I will go along with Pax that you were abducted by the aliens, cause I saw you there!! Nah, I just know the answer is that you are a Jehovah'. I have known you for years even seen body parts most people havent seen so I know you are the Jehovah witness!!!
Aunt Bubby

8:34 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

I say you don't have a photographic memory. You may have a great memory, but studies have shown that there is no such thing as a photographic memory (I know this because I DO have a degree in psychology).

11:31 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Ooops, pushed enter too soon. I think the truth is you dated a midget who guest starred on Seinfeld.

How did I do?

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need to honor my country,so I choose number 14 born in Italy.
Ciao! chi

1:18 PM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

Thought that lightening never strikes twice. We cheated and went to the "Vault" to try and obtain the inside dirt. No luck! With your bee keeper's suit I could see how exploring lifeforms would mistake your for an interesting parapsychologist and take you aboard to empty your photographic memory.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

joe, in the interest of fun, i offered to help with this friendly competition. however, i was not certain about the answer. the vault's best guess is... better not give it away just yet.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous et said...

Ciao! Cia, You are very close to being right with the wrong answer. Are you confused, now? Well.....he was conceived in Italy, this is the truth.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

What a wonderful dialogue we have going here. This is starting to feel like a blog.

Aunt Bubby,
For Christ sakes, I am not a Jehovah Witness.

Erin,
Your guess of me dating a midget put you on the SHORT end of the stick. No photographic memory but we have something in common. My bachelor's degree is in psychology.

Chi,
You give great honor to your country even without your guess.

Lost,
Sounds like a patented answer.

Zelda,
Cheaters never prosper. I haven't even been struck by lightning once.

Vault,
Only Geraldo Rivera can open you on a cheesy made for TV special.

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny, no one figures that you could be the valedictorian of your class!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Anonymous,
That slight did not escape me.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

And the winner is...I own a US patent #5,159,941 for the invention of a locking ashtray similar to the goosenecked traps seen outside stores, hospitals, and offices.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Tony said...

*whew*

I was worried it was the Jehova Witness thingie.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Tony,
I was worried I boarded a UFO!

3:20 PM  

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