The Greenest Grass for Sledding

When my lawn service company applied super greenup fertilizer a day before an expected snowstorm, I hypothsized they were paying too much attention to the groundhog's shadow and not enough to common sense. After seeing their invoice for the application wedged in my door, I decided to give those green thumbers a call in what should be their off season.

"My name is Joe Tornatore. I'm calling about a recent application of fertilizer on my property today."

"How can I help you?"

I stated the obvious cold hard facts. "Do you know the weather forecast is calling for snow? Do you know that it is still winter? Do you know that grass is still dormant and not even the birds are back from Florida."

"Yes." she answered.

I asked, "Then why are you tickling my front yard with chemicals when tomorrow I may be piling snow on it?"

"Sir, if the liquid fertilizer does not sink into the ground, give us a call back and we will reapply the same treatment in the spring."

-It was the kind of irritating pompous answer that made me want to dig a hole in the front yard, climb in, and wait for seepage. I am glad I didn't do that because it would have snowed on top of me the next day.