Freudian Slips: The Greenest Grass for Sledding

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

February 27, 2007

The Greenest Grass for Sledding

When my lawn service company applied super greenup fertilizer a day before an expected snowstorm, I hypothsized they were paying too much attention to the groundhog's shadow and not enough to common sense. After seeing their invoice for the application wedged in my door, I decided to give those green thumbers a call in what should be their off season.
"My name is Joe Tornatore. I'm calling about a recent application of fertilizer on my property today."
"How can I help you?"
I stated the obvious cold hard facts. "Do you know the weather forecast is calling for snow? Do you know that it is still winter? Do you know that grass is still dormant and not even the birds are back from Florida."
"Yes." she answered.
I asked, "Then why are you tickling my front yard with chemicals when tomorrow I may be piling snow on it?"
"Sir, if the liquid fertilizer does not sink into the ground, give us a call back and we will reapply the same treatment in the spring."
-It was the kind of irritating pompous answer that made me want to dig a hole in the front yard, climb in, and wait for seepage. I am glad I didn't do that because it would have snowed on top of me the next day.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Companies keep coming up with innovtive ways to part you from your money, sooner than necessary.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

i feel snowed. lol

6:25 PM  
Blogger Merci said...

Here's to the greening up of the world, and soon!

10:38 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Like reorganization, Spring is coming.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

If I worked for that lawn company and was the one answering their phone when you called to inquire about the early fertilization, I would like to think I could have been quick on my feet and said, "But sir, consider it food for thought; we sprinkle it about and you imagine a nice green lawn."

7:20 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

i'm glad then that we don't talk on the phone. lol

8:15 AM  

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