Quote The Raven Nevermore

Somehow birds have turned my house into a homing pigeon. While preparing a crock pot meal, I heard my wife's voice call my name. What a crock this turned out to be because she wasn't home! At any rate, I turned around to face the front door. Nobody was there. I returned to the food preparation wearing goose bumps.

I reckon a man needs to give his wife's ghost undivided attention too because I heard her voice again. She sternly called me by my first name. I stopped what I was doing. I tip toed through the open foyer expecting to find her in either the library or the living room. Nothing. I then looked out the front door to see if her car was parked in the driveway. Nope. I remained the only one home besides the disembodied voice. This may sound a little weird but stranger things have happened to me. On my way back into the kitchen, a bird flies smack dab into the kitchen window. I saw the whole thing unfold but the thud scared the bejesus out of me. Before the feathers had time to settle on the wood deck, I got on the phone to my mother. I called my mother asking for an explanation because she had her own strange experience involving a sparrow a few days before.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I don't know what to make of it, Joe." Mom plainly replied.

The phone call pretty much ended there. I would never admit to it in public but my bird talked and sounded awfully like my wife.

Two days later, two birds hit the window of the room I occupied, one after the other. I opened the front door to find two twitching mortally wounded birds on the porch. Neither talked but their splat sounded familiar.

Two days later, another bird crashed into the palladian window while I walked up the staircase. Thank goodness these are small birds and not storks because I would have four broken windows and eight kids with who knows how many more on the way.

A couple of days later, I took a gander at the backyard woods. If I saw any dive bombing kamikaze birds I was going to cry fowl and call Animal Control. I observed a raven perched on my deck railing giving me the evil eye. I have never ever seen a raven in my lifetime. What the heck is going on? This bird didn't talk either but even if it had I would quote the raven not once and nevermore.