Freudian Slips: Meglomania Brought to a Knee

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Location: Irony, New Jersey, United States

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

May 26, 2005

Meglomania Brought to a Knee

The Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum New York Avenue and the Boardwalk in Atlantic City, New Jersey
In the end, this is too funny of a story not to mention on Freudian Slips. However, I originally intended to not post this story but the keen memories of others are coming back to haunt me. I have been getting emails from people who are asking me if the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum in Atlantic City, New Jersey is having the grand opening on my exhibit this weekend. Too many of you remember that the event was actually scheduled for this weekend. People were checking my blog for details and there was no mention of it. Let me explain why. First of all, let me set the record straight. I will not be down at the Ripley's Museum this weekend in person for good reason. For anyone who wants to take a jaunt down to the AC boardwalk and pay admission, I assure you that my rare exhibit is in the Survivor's Gallery. It is up and running...or should I say up and standing, or upstanding if you will. Furthermore, the Ripley's museum is indeed having a grand opening this weekend although I am no longer an invited guest. Ripley's nixed me from the star studded lineup and extravaganza. From what I have been told, the museum is hosting a ribbon cutting ceremony, not on the Bee Man of Blackwood as promised, but on the unveiling of a brand new medieval torture chamber exhibit. I am chuckling just writing that I have been axed by....torture devices. This is irony in the archaic making. So anything pointy that Vlad the Impaler kept on hand for his enemies will probably be on display. Left to my own devices, I consider my beekeeper's suit just as much an instrument of torture.
I have been informed why I am not a part of the weekend festivities. Ownership wanted to have two special events a month apart rather than roll me into the throng of masochists reveling in the scrotum vices, tongue removers, and nine inch nails. I understand completely. So what was once a grand opening and ticker tape parade will not only be delayed but scaled back to a book signing at the Ripley's museum on Saturday June 25th and Sunday 26th 1-6pm on both days. That's Hollywood for you! Ripley's is in the process of doing a press release and advertising my name in area newspapers and local rags. Fox news has come to Ripley's events in the past but what will actually transpire is anybody's guess. Heck, they might tell me it is a BYOB affair, Bring Your Own Balloons. Keep in mind that during my last business meeting with Ripley's, the sitdown was interrupted because a frantic call came in of a two-headed cow found in rural Pennsylvania. That's no bull!



Blogger PaxRomano said...

Damn it Joe, now what am I going to do with all these vodka stingers I have in the nifty little one-serve bee shaped bottle?

Sting called and he was going to be there, now I have to tell him to forget it!

You know this is a real buzz-killer!

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe, you're a great stand-in for fly paper...... irony sticks to you like glue. Your mother must have mated with a fly catcher. Love you. ET

10:35 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Interesting entry. It makes me want to check out this wacky museum.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Thanks for checking out the website, Jessica, from one wannabe writer to another. It's a race to the publisher.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:26 PM  
Anonymous Marcus said...

It just good to see that you are in touch with your own vices and can admit it.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

If I stay out of management, that is one less than you.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Life is full of "Or Nots."

7:48 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

If the glue fits, wear it.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Zelda Parker said...

Now you've rained on my big plans for the weekend.

9:52 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

my tomatoe plants sprouted two feet in the last week thanks to your rain dance.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

I see puns are contagious.

10:22 PM  
Blogger justrose said...

"left to my own devices ..." was that a pun, or am i just seeing your punnerificness everywhere?

10:36 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

Everything is a pun. I try and use double entendre's until the two-headed cows come home!

8:05 AM  
Blogger PaxRomano said...

OFF TOPIC...You've been tagged (details at my site!!)

3:44 PM  
Blogger Tony said...

I have devices, too. Sadly, though, I dont think you'd be overly interested in them. :-)

Anyway...YES that reference was meant for you. Your blog rocks.

10:36 PM  

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