Meglomania Brought to a Knee

The Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum New York Avenue and the Boardwalk in Atlantic City, New Jersey

In the end, this is too funny of a story not to mention on Freudian Slips. However, I originally intended to not post this story but the keen memories of others are coming back to haunt me. I have been getting emails from people who are asking me if the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum in Atlantic City, New Jersey is having the grand opening on my exhibit this weekend. Too many of you remember that the event was actually scheduled for this weekend. People were checking my blog for details and there was no mention of it. Let me explain why. First of all, let me set the record straight. I will not be down at the Ripley's Museum this weekend in person for good reason. For anyone who wants to take a jaunt down to the AC boardwalk and pay admission, I assure you that my rare exhibit is in the Survivor's Gallery. It is up and running...or should I say up and standing, or upstanding if you will. Furthermore, the Ripley's museum is indeed having a grand opening this weekend although I am no longer an invited guest. Ripley's nixed me from the star studded lineup and extravaganza. From what I have been told, the museum is hosting a ribbon cutting ceremony, not on the Bee Man of Blackwood as promised, but on the unveiling of a brand new medieval torture chamber exhibit. I am chuckling just writing that I have been axed by....torture devices. This is irony in the archaic making. So anything pointy that Vlad the Impaler kept on hand for his enemies will probably be on display. Left to my own devices, I consider my beekeeper's suit just as much an instrument of torture.

I have been informed why I am not a part of the weekend festivities. Ownership wanted to have two special events a month apart rather than roll me into the throng of masochists reveling in the scrotum vices, tongue removers, and nine inch nails. I understand completely. So what was once a grand opening and ticker tape parade will not only be delayed but scaled back to a book signing at the Ripley's museum on Saturday June 25th and Sunday 26th 1-6pm on both days. That's Hollywood for you! Ripley's is in the process of doing a press release and advertising my name in area newspapers and local rags. Fox news has come to Ripley's events in the past but what will actually transpire is anybody's guess. Heck, they might tell me it is a BYOB affair, Bring Your Own Balloons. Keep in mind that during my last business meeting with Ripley's, the sitdown was interrupted because a frantic call came in of a two-headed cow found in rural Pennsylvania. That's no bull!