Starry Eyed for Star Wars

Darth Vader battling Obi-Wan Kenobi

I bought advanced tickets for Star Wars Revenge of the Sith as soon as they were made available to the public. I purchased two tickets for Jimmy and I to catch the first show in the country. I have been waiting thirty years to see the finale and I wasn't going to wait a day longer. So what if it was a midnight showing on a school night in May. My stepson Jimmy lives and breathes Star Wars and the closest truancy officer was probably in a galaxy far far away. I admit to being a Star Wars junkie just don't ask me trivia like what galaxy Jar Jar Binks hails from.

By the wizardry of science, the pictured mask can change a voice into that of the evil Darth Vader. You can add the heavy iron lung breathing for children's birthday parties or to scare the bejesus out of toddlers after dark. When I singy-songy into the mask, "I don't want to grow up. I just want to be a Toys R Us kid." it transmitted a raspy spooky curse for the century James Earl Jones voiceover.

Truth of the matter, I don't want to grow up, which is why I dressed up like a ridiculous villain and let my son out till 3am on a school night. Jimmy and I did some role playing. It hit a little too close to home when he recited one of the more memorable lines of Star Wars.

"You are not my father." he denounced.

"I am your stepfather." I deep throated with the voice activated mask.

We arrived at the Cinemark theatre in Somerdale, New Jersey about an hour and a half before showtime. We could see a line snaking from the entrance. Sixteen theatres were playing Revenge of the Sith. By rough calculations that equates to a few thousand rabid Star Wars fans...or so we thought. I swung the car around the front of the theatre to see if lightsaber jousts spilled into the courtyard or maybe patrons were lining up for a best costume contest. Oops, nobody was even dressed for the occasion. There were no patrolling Storm Troopers, no aliens, no hero or villain to speak of. Jimmy and I were the only costumed hardcore fans in this dead unimaginative town at midnight. Jimmy did not want to be a laughing stock, so he stripped off his costume faster than you could sing a title bar from the Beatles' Fool on the Hill. I was forced to follow suit, pun intended, although I resisted being defrocked.

"Take off the Darth Vader mask, Joe." Jimmy prompted. "Yeah, and you can finally take off my mom's winter coat too. Think how stupid you would look out there in a woman's coat."

"Okay. Okay. It will be the world's loss." I relented.

We stripped down to civilian clothes for the sake of normalcy. Jimmy seemed at ease by the time we exited the car. I got tickets to theatre 16, Cinemark's signature wrap around screen. This enabled us first class accommodations. We avoided the long lines and whisked ahead of the plain clothed throng. In the theatre 16, people had been sitting in their seats for several hours. It looked and sounded more like a slumber party. People had actually made acquaintance with those around them. The silly movie trivia questions had been memorized because it played on a continuous loop. People milled about talking Star Wars shop and consuming late night snacks from the gracious concession stands.

Star Wars arrived on this planet in 1977 when I was a pimply 15 years old. I am dating myself but nobody else would date me back then. Ah, the hits keep coming but George Lucas had more. Let's count his blockbuster series in order - Star Wars A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith. Sicence Fiction never sounded more like the word salad of a deeply psychotic patient.

Only George Lucas could get away with releasing the middle installment of a saga thirty years after its conception. Star Wars is a gold mine with a gravy train parked out front for transport. He could have called this movie, Revenge of the Dirty Ashtray and it would not have went up in smoke at the box office. Revenge of the Sith was a bridge movie that links the early installments with the end of the storyline. I thought it was an outstanding movie considering the educated viewer can pretty much script what happens. It tied up all the loose ends like a double knotted tubal ligation. Cutting edge special effects bedazzled the viewers. When Revenge of the Sith ended, deserving applause erupted in the theatre. It was a fitting farewell salute to a three decade story that had me hooked at hello.

You heard it on Freudian Slips first. This blockbuster movie is going to break all-time records at the box office. To the moon, Alice.