The Eagles Will Win

-The Eagles Will Wynn...but when?

In a sheltered workshop teaming will collating and assembly work contracts, many of the developmentally disabled clients dressed up this past Halloween in attention grabbing costumes. At his busy workstation, I approached Fred who dressed in a Philadelphia Eagles football jersey complete with oversized shoulder pads. Fred tipped his Philadelphia Eagles visor the moment he saw me enter the open-aired workshop. Like the Eagles of late, I couldn't pass on the opportunity.

“Now that is scary, Fred.” I greeted. “It takes a brave soul to be a Philadelphia Eagles player this year.”

“He-he, you guessed it. I’m an Eagles player. Na-no fooling you.”

Following the Eagles lackluster 13-6 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars, I had been listening to sports talk radio for two days. Venomous fans crucified every player on the team from the third string quarterback to the water boy. More compassionate callers and level headed radio show hosts vainly tried to dissect the problems of the talented local football team only a year removed from reaching the coveted Super Bowl. I decided to elicit the opinion of Fred, a true hardcore Eagles fan diagnosed with mild retardation.

I asked, “Fred, can you answer a question about the Eagles?”

“Wa-wa-what Joe?”

I decided to make a multiple choice dartboard to make it easier on Fred's compromised speech. “Mired in a three game losing streak, the Eagles team to a man has to ask themselves what went wrong and how to fix it. There is plenty of blame to be shared in a team game but fingers point to bad coaching, a lack of leadership, poor execution, and underachieving players not showing emotion. I ask you as a fan, what do you think is the major problem of your favorite football team?”

Flanked by a ghoul and a giant pumpkin, football Fred laid it on the fifty-yard line. “Wa-well its like this, Joe. The other ta-ta-teams… Yeah… the other ta-ta-teams. The other ta-ta teams are scoring more points.”