Fourteen Seconds of Football Dethrones the Cowboys

On Monday night, a dozen friends gathered at my digs for Monday Night Football to bear witness to the Philadelphia Eagles battle their arch rival the Dallas Cowboys in front of a national audience. I guess the only thing better than watching a football game on a 65 inch HDTV is watching football on a plasma screen but I wouldn’t know. I am too much of a tight-wad to cough up top dollar for the newer technology. My friends didn’t complain one iota and they scarfed down vittles and brew, key elements in what turned out to be a raucous evening.

The game featured one of the greatest plays I have ever seen on a football field. Late in the second quarter, on third down, Donovan McNabb ran from sideline to sideline for fourteen seconds deeking, dodging, and eluding before hurling the pigskin across his body for 55 yards in the air. Receiver Freddie Mitchell caught the projectile in stride for a sixty yard game. From the snap to the time he caught the ball, Freddie Mitchell transversed one hundred yards. The play seemed to unfold in slow motion on the big screen and I can best describe it as improv teaming up with majesty on the gridiron. I am sure plasma viewers saw it differently.

For an NFL quarterback attempting to pass, fourteen seconds without being tackled by mammoth lineman running with the speed of gazelles, is next to mission impossible. Editors at NFL films may be already looking for ways to shorten this hallmark highlight. Count’em fourteen seconds. Thousand one, thousand two, thousand three... Some species procreate in less time although I don’t know if this applies to eagles or cowboys. What I do know is that it takes me longer to pass the butter at the kitchen table and it doesn’t always wind up with the intended receiver. But when run abolitionist Coach Andy Reid says ‘pass’ the butter at his kitchen table or in the huddle, he means pass the stinking butter even on fourth and one. They say too much butter can give you the runs, but I don’t think pass-happy Andy Reid runs for anything. What an exhilerating football game. Even if I cleaned up beer bottles and hoagie trays until 1:30am on a work night, improving to an 8-1 record gave me newfound glory. If you are a Cowboys fan, I apologize for my glee but I survived the golden years of Tom Laundry an unwavering Eagles fan. Do not underestimate my pain and suffering. If given the opportunity, I’d still plunge my fist through Tom Landry’s trademark fedora like a bad Three Stooges routine.

The fourteen second play helped dethrone the Cowboys chances for an upset. I will give the defensive back assigned to Freddie Mitchell on that unbelievable play his props. He had him covered like a blanket for the first dozen seconds. So let’s point blameful fingers in the right direction. The Cowboys defense layed down on six of the seven Eagles' touchdowns. The Cowboys offense even pitched in with a miscue by giving up one touchdown on Lito Sheppard’s magnificent 101 yard interception return.

We viewed the game in my finished basement, a 1,500 square foot museum of sports memorabilia from floor to ceiling. I’m talking collages, matted frames, wall plaques, shadow boxes, re-painted bubble hockey players of Philadelphia Flyers greats, autographed bats, balls, helmets, ticket stubs, baseball cards, etc. I go to extremes in anything I do, so it is no wonder that I even deco page’ my light switch covers. Eat your heart out, TV’s Extreme Makeover.

I customized the basement bathroom with an entire wall mural of about 400 Eagles football cards encased by Plexiglas. Why is Plexiglas needed? Because the toilet is in front of it and everyone has a full-bladdered friend who is a bitter Dallas Cowboy fan. A licensed Eagles border circles the bathroom walls, accented by a 1960’s circa pennant, an autographed photo of wide receiver Ben Hawkins, and some other bathroom do-dads that just want to make you scream E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!. Well, I finally found an area of the house my creative hands hadn’t touched, that is until Monday night. So I tried to put my own signature element on the evening. I made Dallas Cowboy toilet paper using non-biodegradeable NFL logo stickers even though the Eagles went on the roll to victory. Final score Eagles 49 Cowboys 21, sore buttocks from the pointy Dallas star 3.